Millennium Eclipse
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Proving of Millennium Eclipse By Angela Zajac
MIND
006 Day 0: 00:15:00 noticed strange sensation, my hands were just gently on the patient‘s head, my eyes were closed. I felt the patients head was moving under my hands, so much so that I opened my eyes to look, his head was not moving at all. I looked away and had the sane sensation again, but when I looked back found his head was not moving.
006 Day 0: 00:15:00 Over the afternoon I felt a bit confused in general. On the phone, words kept coming out wrong, I said Thursday when I meant Tuesday and times wrong.
006 Day 1: 00:13:30- 16:30 Working at care home, noticed the same thing as yesterday re head ‘moving’ under my hands on two separate occasions with different patients.
006 Day 1: 00:13:30- 16:30 Also noticed my words coming out confused twice during the afternoon.
006 Day 2: Felt spacey all day
006 Day 2: 00:11:30: Words came out muddled again.
006 Day 3: 00:00:30: Words came out muddled once today.
006 Confusion over time phone contact made; Prover ‘I didn‘t set the alarm today! I am not usually this forgetful......apologies again’.
006 No phone contact at allotted time, text reply from prover: ‘ Is a lapse of memory a symptom do you think? Really sorry was at a show and shall be tomorrow...’
006:‘ S ‘Thursday ( day 1 ) written off in forgetfulness.
006 ‘S’ Patient sounds on the ball- clear as if she meant business.
006 Treating patient and felt as if her head was moving under my hands.
006 Realised I have left coat and hat at friends house, don’t usually forget things like that.
006 sensation of moving head under both hands again.
006I was really connected with him in that moment, through the invisible layers of his dementia
006 ‘S’ prover forgot to phone as arranged.
006 ‘ S’ prover says lapses in memory not normal
006 muddled words again
006 Difficult and no emotional connection as we did this.
006 Feeling sensitive about life and where to go
006 realised I had forgotten to give her 1 main present - mic stand !. She was happy with it. Disorganised - no list, nor presents together - so easy to forget.
006 Realised I had forgotten to give C another present
seemed to have head moving but when I looked it stopped
006 Singing with friends in Manchester - wonderful, but said I looked sad when listening ? sad -said I was ‘ reflective’. Feel like I belong better there.
006 felt irritated by staff at hospital about lots of things but needed to keep calm appearance to help Mum.
006 I felt my patience stretched again by her showing me lots of things just when I needed to set off, but I knew she needed to talk about them - old photos and similar, so I relaxed into it and set off later
006 Could not bring self to finish prep for my talk - procrastination again
006 Felt I was valued by lots of people
006 Irritated by her rolling of cigarette before we got off the plane , but soon got over it !
006 Felt very alive on crossing and on arrival at house
006 Feel energised by the sunshine.
001: Day 0 10.00am First Dose
At exactly 10am Cockerel Crowed, felt overwhelming tears as in the first meeting.
001 Day 0 10.15am: sensation of tinnitus like it‘s removing me from the world
001: Day 0: 10.15 :I am aware of the bird‘s individual sounds and voices.
001: Day 0:20.00: Argued with husband, wanted to know what words he had used to describe what I was going to do to other people.
Noticed his driving was bad. He missed turnings, didn‘t seem to know where he was going, used wrong lane.
001: Day 0: 20.00: Still very aware of grey and black and white. I chanced on an article about a man who is colour blind and only sees black and white and has sounds translated into colour or is it visa versa.
001: Day 0: 22.30: daughter looking at photos friend sent her; they were all dressed in grey she comments.
002: Day 0: 18.00: Feel now that I am thinly blanketed by medicinal stranger. The tense work place situation in the back of my mind [difficult under -currents, clashing wills, leaderless scenarios, usurpation of power...] It‘s been a constant inner struggle for months. I wonder whether my controlled tension might worsen with unfolding medicine.
004: Day 0 14.15: Forgot I was due to go to a friends house.
004: Day 0 14.42: Feeling a bit vacant - pressure 3rd eye - almost a headache
004; Day 0: 16.00: Having trouble with memory! Put phone number somewhere, can‘t find it, then eventually managed to find it and by that time had lost my phone. Feeling really frustrated.
004: Day 0: 19.50: feeling + + short tempered with the children. +++ tired want a hot drink and go to bed.
004; Day 0: 20.50: Still feeling rather vacant and forgetful, have just remembered to leave a line in between sorry. Also forgot to write that I didn‘t take 3rd remedy dose. After the second one I decided this memory stuff wasn‘t my normal state- It is as if a huge light has been switched on & it‘s been put under a microscope, quite an exacerbation of my normal state.
NS
005: Day 0: 15.10: So tired, been trying to sit and read a book, can‘t concentrate. Just want to curl knees to chest and shut eyes.
005: Day 0: 15.25: Sitting in the car waiting for my daughter after school, hate it. Want to be at home
005: Day 0: 16.45: Really don‘t want to do anything but go to sleep.
005: Day 0: 18.10: Feel very irritated by my daughter and father. Ready to shout at them. Just want them to go away. Very tired and aware of lots of aches and pains, that have been possibly building during the day. Feel irritated and cross over supervisor, only wanted to make a time for tomorrow and wouldn‘t discuss symptoms with me. Felt very upset and unsupported.
005: Day 0: 20.20: Feeling quite down / lonely RS just feel like I‘m going backwards, have felt really well since my last remedy after Christmas. Feel upset that
I‘m getting my old symptoms back. Just want to lie down. Worry as I have got stuff to do for study group and don‘t feel up to it.
005: Day 0: 21.00: Really frightened about the state of chaos that I used to be in at Christmas returning, don‘t want to be like that again.
006: Day 0: Over the afternoon I felt a bit confused in general. On the phone, words kept coming out wrong, I said Thursday when I meant Tuesday and times wrong.
008: Day 0: 12.30 lunchtime: Notice I am feeling very grounded and unhurried, much less whizzy than usual and got through all my jobs this morning in a more paced and efficient way.
008: Day 0: 12.30pm: Have been musing on the nature of whales.
Whilst feeding Joe‘s tropical fish this morning has a strange urge to nibble on the plecostagmus algae wafer - didn’t of course, but thought it an odd impulse.
008: Day 0: 13.15: Second Dose: Still on my whale trip. Went shopping to buy a new kettle and came home with some fancy face cream instead, but who cares.
009: Day 0: 10.03: Just feel better, not so ‘weighed down’. I view of where I am emotionally, i.e., running around with my aunt in Malvern who is dying.
009: Day 0: 10.04 I feel like something good is about to happen. Not like me, usually the opposite, feel released.
009: Day 0: 10.05: Feel like I want to get up and jump about and say Yea!
0010: Day 0: 16.30: Driving car, felt strange looking out into World, where I didn’t quite fit. A feeling like maybe I was under water or something.
0010: Day 0: 18.30: at gym, felt quite strange, normally aerobics is easy for me, my coordination was fine but felt strange, legs felt heavy and unused to movements [not clumsy] Like I was moving through water. I felt heavy though.
0010: Day 0: 20.45: Feeling rather spacey as if I’m not fully connected between myself and the world around me.
001: Day 1: 10.00: This grey thing is driving me mad! Everything grey is more important, stone’s, the cassette player, whereas usually it would be the other way around. Grey was peaceful.
002: day 1: 10.10: On my way to work feel my Thymus gland working strongly. Am confident to meet whatever human challenge.
002: day 1: 10.10: While working the Eurhythmy with the kids feel thought that my sharp clarity could break, snap.
002: Day 1: 23.00: Serious, solemn mood.
004:Day 1: 11.00: Steel feeling a bit vacant and waffly, mouth seems to have gone into overdrive.
004: Day 1: 14.15: I also feel quite shaky inside, but my hands are steady so it’s a feeling inside.
004: Day 1: 17.00: Forgot to mention this morning, after getting the children ready for school and I was getting ready myself, my youngest [5yrs old] was crying, wanting a cuddle and being bad tempered + +. I turned her round and propelled her out of the room and closed the door behind her. AND I didn’t feel guilty! Normally I would have cajoled, cuddled and perhaps huffed and puffed under my breath, and felt like an awful mother for not being able, not having the patience for her, BUT not today!
005.Day 1: 08.30: Feeling very weepy inside, but dry eyed outside.
005.Day 1: 08.30: Wanted to wear bright colours this morning to cheer myself up. Put on some new bright pink socks, that I‘ve had for 2 months and thought were too bright.
005: Day 1: 11.00: Been for a coffee with a friend, feeling a little more loosened up, feeling better emotionally, brighter and not as depressed, much better for the company. I was feeling VERY lonely and depressed after dropping my daughter off at school.
005: Day 1: 11.00: Generally feel I will be glad when I am out of the effects of this remedy. Painful body. Don‘t think I will be able to walk the dog today if it doesn‘t improve. Worried I will use up my energy and collapse this evening.
005: Day 1: 13.30 REALLY don‘t like this remedy.
005. Day 1: 14.00: Finally feel that it‘s all calmed down enough to focus on work.
Thank God its sunny; don‘t think I could cope with a dull day today.
005: Day 1: 16.33: Symptoms feeling more manageable & less overwhelming.
006: Day 1: 11am: After treatment I felt completely ‘spaced out’ not completely present in the room and had to sit before I could do anything or go anywhere, sat in car quietly.
008: Day 1: 09.00: Still feeling pretty relaxed, feel fairly content to just let life flow on past me; I don‘t feel really focused on anything. I have no goals, no need to strive, content to just be in the moment.
Forgot to double space, find I am not remembering a lot of important stuff, as though my mind has sieved out the essentials and discarded the rest. I normally do guilt trips and angst when I‘m not meeting the ‘right‘ standards or obligations. But I really don‘t feel bothered at the moment. In quiet calm space.
008: Day 1: 20.00: I‘ m defiantly calmer this week. Son wet the bed twice this evening before he‘d even gone to sleep and I just changed it. Last week the same thing happened and I shouted at everybody and got completely stressed out over it.
009: Day 1: 11.55: Leaving Malvern, glad to get away from ‘oppressiveness‘ heavy atmosphere of Malvern Hills. Used to think of them as beautiful now they bang into me and make me feel claustrophobic. Feel relieved to be getting away.
010: Day 1: 08.00: Feeling much more grounded and part of the world again.
010: Day 1: 20.00: Feeling a little irritable tonight, work colleagues getting to me, why can‘t we all just be harmonious!? Feeling some people aren‘t speaking openly [they keep hidden agendas] Also feeling pressure for time to get things done, but that is normal.
003: Day 2: 16.45: Felt like a lot of stuff going on today. It was a case study day at Angie‘s. I felt disconnected at times and like I wasn‘t being heard. Also difficult to assimilate information, folk needed to repeat themselves. Not getting through.
003: Day 2: [no time modalities given] Had to switch the radio off on the way home, usually enjoy the film reviews but he was driving me crazy, couldn‘t take it, just chatter.
003: Day 2:PM Noticed myself with my hand to my mouth several times today not sure why.
003: Day 2: 15.00: It was interesting the three provers sat together today, we were the last to give our feedback and briefest also quietest of the bunch. Better in the afternoon, less quiet.
004: Day 2: 16.00: Had a very productive day. Wrote the email I‘ve been dreading, to my sister. But done now and it feels clear. Also have written 2 articles for web site, feels like I‘ve become unstuck.
005: Day 2: 06.50: Very depressed this morning, don‘t want to leave the house. Lonely. Want someone to be kind to me. Feel very weepy, but not able to cry.
005: Day 2: 07.50: Just completely lost it with my teenage son. Screamed and shouted at him. He came in being rude and I just saw red.
005: Day 2: 09.00: Worse now I‘ve dropped my daughter off. Feeling miserable. Want someone to comfort me. A bit tearful. Very anxious, lots of things I haven‘t done. Should I go to study group? Dog didn‘t get a walk yesterday. Really upset about shouting at my son, ashamed that I smacked him too he‘d shouted at me to find his PE kit, and then shouted at me to get out of his room and I flipped. He‘d been shouting at me before as he couldn‘t find his homework and he said I must have washed his trousers with it in the pocket and blamed me. When he shouted at me to get out of his room it was too much, too unfair.
005: Day 2:10.00: Big sobbing tears on way to study group, felt ‘ I want my mummy!’ OS not a return from after she died but from before she died and all through my life.
Unsupported. Then again when got to Wetherby, patch of lovely green grass made me cry. Gardening connected with mum maybe, don‘t know. Had to turn up music loud [rock] to make me feel better. Swore a lot, fucking bastards etc. [i.e. people who don‘t care about me. Nobody there for me]
005: Day 2: 11.20: Tried to phone supervisor, all organised, but only had У2 number written down!
005: Day 2:17.00: Emotional stuff is calmer now. Feel as though I‘ve been really beaten up physically and emotionally the last 2 days.
005: Day 2: 17.00 I felt much better today after having the company at study group, and hugged my son tonight, all ok.
Feels like I‘ve just got home into my body after a tempestuous journey. It‘s been horrible and I‘m relieved it‘s calming down.
005: Day 2: 22.00: Tiredness improved with company
005: Day 2: 23.00: I can think clearly again now!
006: Day 2: 11.00: Words came out muddled again.
006: Day 2: Evening: [no time modalities] Felt spacey all day, probably from Shiatsu yesterday still.
007: Day 2: 07.00: Woke feeling closed off / a bit grumpy [RS] know this was a hangover from previous evening when I had touched on the fact that I had started proving and I felt very unsupported by his response.
007:Day2:10.15: Checking in at study group; memory blank about what had happened in intervening weeks since last group [NS] Had nothing to say which is unusual [NS]
007: Day2:10.15: Quality of my day felt different today. Feel switched off from what is going on around me: sense of distance from others in the group: like I‘m standing outside and just hearing the buzz of conversation [NS] Didn‘t join in, talk or contribute as much as I normally do.
008: Day 2: 08.05: Joe is still asleep so grabbed some time to fill this in [this is a lovely peaceful time of day before the kids wake up!] I realised this morning that I drank my coffee [and I‘m still I a very meditative state re Whales! in a nice big blue untroubled space !] That what is seriously important in life at the moment, is to play. I must admit adult play [theatre, art, trips etc ] isn‘t that easy to organise with small children around but there must be so many other ways of ‘having fun’ generally which I should be exploring, I think.
I think this remedy is a very existentialist one! It‘s about being rather than having [or doing] and stuff like that! Naturally I‘ve speculated on what it might be [probably I shall find out it‘s not whale at all!] but I really wouldn‘t mind taking another dose! Athena says not to yet though....
008: Day 2: 17.00: Still very relaxed, in the now and not worrying. Feel as though my brain has been rewired to not worry re the future, even tomorrow, so no probs!
009: Day 2: 03.00: As fell back to sleep, flash of the year 1939. Very strongly, prominent.
009: Day 2: 06.00: It was dark, felt like I had just blinked and it was light.
009: Day 2: 11.00: Had been to town and didn‘t feel shattered.
Comments from a friend: ‘ its nice there’s more fun, bubbly, alive feel about you, instead of treading through treacle, making heavy weather of it. It doesn’t look like you’ve got the world on your shoulders, like someone who’s not struggling, pleased with life, happier, more energy. It looks like you are stood in shards of light, shooting all around you, laughing more. Not so far away, more conscience of self and more awake. next 4 words not readable‘ [M] made following observation, realised what is possible, scary.
009: Day 2:15.45: I feel more grown-up in control? NS
010: Day 2: 06.30: Feeling resentment at having to remember dreams, which meant I didn‘t sleep so well.
010: Day 2: 06.30: I wonder if the emotions are connected with a sense of loneliness [son gone to England, just me and Charlotte now] Also a feeling that someone at school is not telling me the whole story [the sense of insult]
Note: My intuition on this turned out to be correct when I learned there was an issue that the senior staff were keeping quiet about.
A feeling that things are incomplete and not whole somehow, there is anger and sadness.
001: Day 3: 18.00: Ate out in a grey restaurant, I was very hungry today [RS]
002: Day 3: 08.30: ‘ Normal‘ dreams, ordinary nights sleep. The day unfolds as if I am born in a mild metamorphic light, to an inner place from where I can see the processes of my identity anew, with more sympathy for the alienation of others [mainly workplace related] towards me. ‘Something’ seems to make me more approachable, more patient, more tolerant to bear ‘skin-contact’ with those soul vibrations are firmly rooted in securing their earthly strife and success.
004: Day 3: 06.30: Dreamt a lot last night again which made me feel anxious.
006: Day 3:Morning? Time: Words came out muddled once today.
007: Day 3: 08.13: Had returned to bed. Thinking about my dream and aprox 5mins later a feeling of overwhelming sadness came up. Felt I could have cried but I didn’t.
008: Day 3: 10.20: Spent1& У2 hours checking over Materia Medica for my ES patient [puzzling case] feel as though I may be surfacing a bit from this remedy now, slightly more aware of pressures and ‘things’ to do.
008: Day 3: 10.20: Still feeling reasonably chilled out though, but not as good as yesterday.
002: Day 4: no time given: I felt very open and vulnerable. Had to take some vit c and Echinacea to shake off a cold. Don’t want to brave the wind outside to do garden work. Feel extremely sensitive towards the many ongoing destinies of my friends, near and far. The course of the day was marked by longing for Angelic company, sought there nearness, felt open, vulnerable, calm. No adverse bodily symptoms.
003: Day 4: 11.25@ Feeling of loosing focus on the proving, a kind of ‘whatever’ feeling, can’t be bothered. Can’t work out what is me and what is the remedy.
Tired this morning, disturbed night, got to sleep @ midnight [was out Friday evening too] The cat woke me at 6.30am, needed to give elder daughter a lift at 7.30am. Back to bed, heard other daughter getting up at 8ish. 9.30ish, husband, then 10.30 my youngest rang for a lift. Really had to get my eyes open. Now feeling really tired, but wanting to get on with the cleaning jobs, am I more aware of the muck than usual, not sure. Not keen on housework, don’t do much if I can help it. Rabbi ting on now, not sure any of this is relevant at all. Oh and I wonder if I am taking more notice of animals, especially dogs, going ahhh when I see them, I don’t usually. Now I realise I have to type up this waffle too.
003: Day 4: 19.00: Had a good day achieved most things, good energy. Lots of patients [regulars] phoning for acute prescriptions. New patient made an apt as well for later in the week. Had planned to do accounts but no time, that always happens.
Good evening too, 7 people came to my study group, pts I’ve known for several years, good atmosphere.
004: Day 4:14.00: Feeling VERY short tempered with the kids. Husband has gone skiing and quite honestly I’m glad to see the back of him. I just wish all the kids would bugger off as well.
004: Day 4: 16.20: Feeling really hacked off with everything right now.
006: Day 4: no time modalities: No word confusion today. Painting ‘tipi?‘ went well and its looking good.
007: Day 4: no time modality: Spent most of the day feeling ‘a bit closed off4 from other members of the family. They were all doing there own thing. [RS] Found myself singing a lot. Energy levels reasonably good.
008: Day 4: 09.00: feel as though I need to be suspended in a fluid was to be comfortable, water bed or air bed! Sensation of being crushed on lying down.
008: Day 4: 09.00: Feel a bit better than yesterday, which got worse after I did my entry, was v low, talked to ‘A‘. Feel more surfaced now and getting back to reality in a way I can deal with. Had a horid post-lunch dip yesterday, very depressed, nostalgic for the past [people mainly and happier times] - craved chocolate but had none in the house so had a snooze instead which helped. Just wanted to drift off - not to get up!
008: Day 4: 17.30: Took ‘J‘ to the library this morning, just the two of us, enjoyed that and the closeness.
008: Day 4: 17.30: Feel isolated, need to talk to friends.
008: Day 4: 17.30: Keep forgetting to double space when writing notes
001: Day 5: Next day felt spaced out.
002: Day 5: no times: Light of heart, in good spiritual company. Destiny made me drift into a former lover, where things became disastrous and remained unspoken. But I felt calm, in control, anger free.
005: Day 5: 14.00: Just had lunch with my cousin, she told me she had a dream we were on holiday together, same countryside, similar hotel, thought it was France or Spain, poss Italy, had the dream same night as me!! She has been having weird vivid dreams for the last week, I didn‘t mention anything she just told me about it.
005: Day 5: 22.00: I‘m having a bad evening, I started feeling really upset after I forgot my daughters books for her singing lessons. I didn‘t want to go & tell her teacher, I felt if I would get into trouble. Then she was ok with me, but after I couldn‘t stop feeling as if I‘d done something terribly wrong, or as if something awful had happened. When I got home at 5pm I had a message from a patient who feels he is not getting anywhere with homoeopathy and is not going to keep on coming. I felt devastated as if something horrible was happening [OS] I was already feeling like that a bit before the message but now it is awful.
005: Day 5: 22.00: I just feel very low and depressed. If this doesn‘t improve I don‘t want to carry on with the proving, I don‘t know if it‘s the remedy that‘s doing it or if its triggered my symptoms, but I don‘t want to feel like this, its why I went for homoeopathy. Starting to feel like I can‘t cope and seeing messy things [like the kitchen being untidy] Makes me feel I want to hide [OS] I want someone to come and take care of me and be kind to me.
006: Day 5:15.00: Good spirits generally
006: Day 5:15.00: Realised I have left coat and hat at friends house, don‘t usually forget things like that.
007: Day 5: 13.05: A couple of days ago [day 2] I was feeling quite negative about the proving. Disappointment that I wasn‘t producing more symptoms and feeling responsible for my supervisor not having a very satisfying experience. I feel I‘m coming to an understanding and acceptance of the process realising that the learning in this for me is discomfort at being the receiver of my supervisors interest. I am the focus of attention and that is something which doesn‘t sit easily with me.
008: Day 5: 08.00: Feel pretty good. Chilled! [keep saying that don‘t I]
008: Day 5: No time mods: Had a babysitter for a change so Chris and I escaped to the pub for an hour. Have been speculating again on the nature of this remedy. It feels very existentialist - ideal New Age remedy perhaps! The being mode V the having mode [ref Erich Fromm, new book] I think it must be made from a whale [blue, sperm or humpback]
002: Day 6: 18.00: Feel how my imagination begins to be nearly ‘angel-ed‘. Good humour, clarity of expression, self confident, more at one with myself than in over a year. Feel despite ‘downs‘ [neighbours grim cancer diagnosis] sad physical ‘delining?‘, light, light in growth, even as regards Dennis. I know that he is growing! I am growing, without eating and drinking too much from fidgety restlessness.
Am in tough with my poetic process, thankfully experiencing this red thread through all my life and living, nearly strengthening. I am balancing lighly on the breath-wire.
No physical adverse experiences.
003: Day 6: no time mods: Forgot to take notebook, so have scribbled notes
004: Day 6: 12.45: Didn‘t write anything yesterday. Felt totally hacked off with the whole process. I think that the remedy has wrecked my memory. Yesterday I was making a video for my website and I just couldn‘t remember the words!!! Aarrgh! It was really frustrating, the videa was only 1.75 mins long, and it took nearly 3 hours to film it, because I just couldn‘t remember the words.
[Ok I recon this remedy is for menopausal women or maybe dementia, either way I feel like my brain has turned to mush and I‘m quite useless]Although I‘m hacked off with the whole process, I feel that to take part in the proving is something that I have to do as a homoeopath. I‘m not really regretting doing it, I‘m just finding the reality a bit hard to deal with as I still have to get on with life!
005: Day 6: 10.30: Felt very depressed last night, same this morning. Didn‘t get up during the night the cat woke me at 05.30. Had to be face down with tummy on pillow to get back to sleep.
005: Day 6: 10.30: When got up wanted to and sit and be by myself, didn‘t want to make the effort. But underneath feeling desperately alone and friendless. Got a bit better after an hour. Just wanted to take a painkiller or even better end the proving and take a good constitutional remedy.
005: Day 6: 10.30: All morning felt like I‘m in a crisis, emotionally, crisis of identity. I‘m lots of things but don‘t have freedom to do any of them properly and it upsets me. Feel chaos is descending [OS] I feel I don‘t do anything properly any more. No order.
005: Day 6: 21.00: Things got better after I started getting ready for my patients at 12.30. I was in a lot of pain with my back this morning, about 6 on a 1-10 scale. [10 is when I‘m bed ridden] The feeling of hopelessness and chaos and loneliness was overwhelming, despair was descending. I made myself start tidying and that made me feel better and more cheerful. I started to respond to the sunshine coming in the windows and enjoying it. I hare messes, makes me feel panicky. After my patient went I felt really cheery, they were so happy with how things were progressing I felt less down about the other one. I know it would have affected me anyway but I was starting to feel depressed before that.
005: Day 6: 21.00 Been thinking about my mum this afternoon, really missing her. Not crying this time but just wishing I could be with her for a visit. Haven‘t felt like that for a while, probably not remedy stuff ?
006: Day 6: 10.15: Daughter taken to A&E from school with severe anaphylactic attack [peanut allergy, known before] used Epipen. I went to the hospital gave her Aconite 200c and had one myself.
006: Day 6:14.00: Daughter home and snuggling as I paint the Tipi, she looks fine. Just a bit tired now. Music on while I painted. Felt bright
008: Day 6: no time mods Had quite a challenging day as we were visited by high achieving sister and bro in law. Conversation was minimal and I spent most of the day trying to keep ‘J‘ entertained.
002: Day 7: 09.00:. Feel keenness to be organised, tie up loose ends. My thinking and imagination even during hours of gardening influenced by devic (devine?) presence; deep love for the perfectly formed old oak-tree nearby
002: Day 7: 20.00: Quiet, calm, mindful of the socially and psychologically complicated day ahead but confident; far less weary and distressed about my work-place.
002S: Day 7: Bout of tiredness after 2 hours of gardening. Body calm Eyes tired again today.
004: Day 7: 21:30: Just felt awful all day - don't know if I've forgotten anything even! Going to bed... still cramping stomach and heavy eyes.
005: Day 7: 21.00: Had more energy today, felt fine & positive. Did a lot, very busy day & coped fine, first time since taking the remedy. No physical symptoms
002: Day 8: 17:00: Kept presence of mind while staring helplessly (yet again) into scenes of self-righteousness. Didn’t loose my —shape” despite being yet again lost for words.
002S: Day 8: —not be a victim of stupid circumstance.”
002S: Day 8: Good inspirations, confirmations, undaunted, shrewdly happy. Want to be a leader and do much work but done too much work for nothing being the servant. Remedy making me bold. Active self confidence. Not willing to spare others feelings. New theme for me I don‘t know myself like that.
002S: Day 8: Body quite alive, awake need to work to release sadness
003: Day 8: I am wondering if apathy is part of the proving......Can’t be bothered to write
up notes. Forget to take my notebook out and think —oh what the heck”.
004: Day 8: 08.00: Now starting to feel sick again. Think I'll just spend the day resting again.I seem to have this constant nagging worry that I've forgotten something - keep checking my diary, calendar ets to make sure - and now I'm convinced that I forgot to write it down!!
004: Day 8: 17:30:
Paul is home and actually it's really nice to see him! I feel quite affectionate towards him (which is peculiar for me!)
001:day 9 noticing grey again I am wearing brown I wondered about a grey dress today
005: Day 8:14.00: At last! Definitely feeling more positive & energetic. Throat still little sore, glands in left side up. Thinking more clearly & able to plan better (Back to normal).
008: Day8 Stood outside in the evening listening to the blackbirds, taking really deep breaths of fresh air and thought what I really need is ozone! Don‘t know why - it just seemed obvious!
001:day 9 10.30am a pain in left knee joint not yet gone where banged it against table comes on when lie down at night better by day undermines my confidence.
002: Day 9: 08:00: confident awakening into a sunny day......living the spontaneous
energies of the moment and feeling the growing resolve to write my true opinion.....Sense
of relief to give myself permission to express myself ...
002: Day 9: 18:00: ... walking the Earth as if flying,
002: Day 9: 18:00: taking —life” in my own stride.....deepening confidence ... true to myself
and mindful of the social whole.
002: Day 9: 21:00: moving amongst the —rich and educated” with fine self-confidence, integrated and wholly other.
004: Day 9: 09:30: did recording for audio for website ...went well ... feel quite confident.
004: Day 9: 17:30: went to study group - ok all morning but in afternoon I spoke about a case I'm having trouble with. I ended up feeling like I'm getting it all wrong. And now I don't feel at all confident. It appears it doesn't take much to knock me off balance.
004: Day 9: 23:00: Been out!! Enjoyed the performance (The Vagina Monologues)... even though I was with friends I didn't feel quite as confident as I would have done normally — I just didn't feel that I could join in with the audience participation. Felt really embarrassed.
005: Day 9: 07.25: Feeling more positive. The house is looking neater too. I couldn‘t seem to tackle any job well enough to complete it or make it look better eg tidying a room. Not just physical energy, chaos in head and couldn‘t seem to work out where everything should go to finish a task. No mental or physical energy to get to the finishing line. Feels like there‘s somebody at home. Back in the driving seat
“S” the lights are on
008: Day 9Am feeling very confident.I think what I am feeling at the moment is that it is absolutely fine for me to be me, and to do whatever I want to do; this is a little difficult to express adequately... it‘s ok to be in the moment, to march to the beat of my own drum etc. I have for many years been trying to do that, but feeling guilty about not marching to the beat of the Family Drum, which sang a very different song!
Feeling a bit cooped up - would like some time away from the children!
001:Day 10 10 30 am I feel impatient when will we start our new venture but also glad I have time to prepare.
002: Day 10: 09:00: wake with the words of —the letter” in my soul. Resolved to get down to it immediately, yet without hurry. ..Very emotional while writing the draft.
002: Day 10: 16:00: gardening with strength and joy, delighting in the green colour of winter lettuce, digging up autumn potatoes, feeling the powerful reality of nature under my skin.
002: Day 10: 19:00: cook with playful delight.. deep red beet root sauce, carrots, potatoes all from my own gardening (communion-feeling with the Earth).
002: Day 10: 20:00: touched by the James Cook documentary, the metamorphosis of his soul-forces towards disintegration, mad temper and death by rage
002: Day 10: 21:00: touched by documentary about 40 years of East German State
002: Day 10: 23:00: touched by film about Mohamed Ali: walk your walk, talk your talk; being-doing, doing being.
004: Day 10: 06:00: got up because I really do hurt, lying in bed.
004: Day 10: 8:30: Feeling really shaky again- just had a text message from my sister and it's made me feel really negative towards her again. Even last night I felt OK about what's happened between us. But today it's all raw again.
Also just found out that the man who was building my website for me has put it up on the internet without showing me first. This is something I asked him specifically to do. He has said things on there which I have not said - things which are simply not true. And it's full of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors!!!!
OK-can I pick out a theme here? About not making myself understood perhaps? About possibly not being clear in what I'm saying? But quite honestly I don't see how I could have been any more clear about telling him I wanted to proof read everything first - and he agreed not to put it up before showing me first.
004: Day 10: 15:45: Aaarrrgh! This guy has just sent me the homepage of my site again -STILL FULL OF MISTAKES and I can't change it. I just ask him, AGAIN, if he will send it in such a way that I can make the necessary changes. I feel so frustrated!!! I KNOW that I've made myself completely clear about what I'm expecting.
I just don't see why he can't do as I've asked!!!
004: Day 10: 21:00: Still feeling agitated about today. Can't really relax, but I am very tired. Have had 2 glasses of wine with dinner so that has made me feel tired.
005: Day 10: 15.00: Feeling more positive, coping with work a little better than usual, better able to plan & focus.
002: Day 11: Time?:00: Confident day, despite the feeling of having my —proteststatement” ready to bring protest against and for...
002: Day 11: 16:00: conference in the school ... Report from a sister-school‘s ..problems in the area of responsibility, power, control, ego, human inter-facing.; came out flying strong, feeling verified in my intuitions and in deed. Felt like a freighter under full sail, with golden prow for a nose which looked absent, because it smelled the way ahead by sticking itself through the veil into spirit-space.
002: Day 11: Went to bed at 1am, composed, albeit highly aware ..
004: Day 11: 17:30 went back to bed at 12 and slept until 2 pm.
Still feel a bit ropey - nauseous, fuzzy head - but much better than before.
Still having trouble with website designer - wondering if I've made a mountain out of a molehill...
Actually, no, I haven't. But do feel that my self-confidence is vvv dodgy.
[is the following actually Day 12? (JC)]004: Day 11: 06:00 Terrible night!
Went to bed late because I was working on a piece for my website till 11pm - felt very stressed about it.
Lulu started coughing at 11.30 and it just got worse -eventually went back to sleep at 3.30 pm - woke up again at 5.20 pm - some not a lot of sleep then!
Although we were both very tired it was lovely spending time with Lulu on her own - she was even more affectionate than usual. I told her stories of when she was " still in my tummy" - this really calmed her down - much more than the remedies I had given her!
004: Day 11: 12.00: Feeling totally exhausted - sense of nothing being real.
Keeping on going though - feel really strong need to keep pushing myself physically.
004: Day 11: 14:15: Just been in the garden - there is so much to do. Have at least cut down all the buddleias ready for new growth. It was a very hard prune!
Think I pulled my back - damn!
002: Day 12: Time 6:30: Ready to go to work, earliest in years.......Absolutely at one with
what I have to say.
002: Day 12: Time 9:00: Feel motivated to teach from a deep depth within, .. .against the feeling that all over —the school” many colleagues might already be red in the face.
002: Day 12: Time 22:00 I was so much in flow that one friend felt —overwhelmed” and I felt displeased with myself for having momentarily spoken as if alone in the wide world. . my hormonal activity in the lately —flat” genitals was(is) noticeably strengthened. Have my balls back, freshly filled with some dry gun-powder.
002: Day 12: Time 24:00: Sent another 11 letters via e-mail...
002: Day 13: Time 06:00: woke after little sleep into the radiant face of our daughter (and
the sunrise).
002: Day 13: Time 09:00: began work.. Calm, upright, composed (albeit jokingly)
002: Day 13: Time 18:00: When returning from work, find the letter from Scottish Power
with electric bills from the last 24 months. a charged sum of money. Just like my letter was the previous day, which by the way, felt as if the bullet which was my —friends” had shot into my back and which had lodged somewhere near the right kidney had come out of its own accord and turned itself into a —charged” letter. After all its (the letter) only innocent syllables, words, sentences; but they carried my signal: I am ready to stand my ground, even fight with the lot of —you” all at once.
002: Day 13: Supervisors notes
I watch myself - like a fencepost, be firm and calm. Only waiting an apology which will not come. Forcing everyone’s colours to show. Put my colours out - feel like launch pad - feel space from which charge has gone Remedy focusing my self-respect.
002: Day 14: Time 0?:00 quiet, sombre mood through the day, even though light of heart. In the evening a feeling of sudden flames of strength in my being, liberated, at one with my self; not least for finding a Russian satirical fairy tale by a Vladimir Ily. Dahl, which wonderfully mirrors and absorbs all my thoughts and feelings about my work-place and my colleagues’ attitude towards me, the common soldier —Ivan”. Feel strength enough to learn, embody and speak this story to the whole assembled school friday afternoon.
005: Day 15: 21.00: I seem to wake up clear headed and now able to get started more quickly and focus. Had more energy today even though has a hard day yesterday decorating. My back hasn’t bothered me recently and I had had a twinge in my left shoulder for about a month before the proving, which has now gone. I’ve also noticed a return of a more positive attitude. In the last 3 months I’ve been feeling older. No longer was I feeling I could do/learn/tackle anything. I felt limited. I now feel as though the limitations have been lifted again and I am accomplishing more. More drive and energy. More like I used to be before my Mum died (2 yrs ago).
002: Day 15: Time 09:30 Good full knowledge of deeply critical social force-fields, with courage, without inner dialogues of justifications or ficticious arguments, resolved, clear.
002: Day 15: Time 16:00: remained grounded and centred and spoke my heart .. .with the vibrato of emotion rising but never bursting.
002: Day 15: Time 18:00: happy in the authenticity of my newly found voice and the sustained courage to call a spade a spade
002: Day 15: Time 23:00: extremely emotional and angry conversation with my brother about our father’s money, death, inheritance. Told him just as clearly (as in the afternoon to my colleagues) that I am resolved to exercise love and acceptance as to what or not our FATHER may bestow on us after he‘s gone.
002: Day 15: Supervisor’s notes: Extra information: Like a yo-yo right now.....
Very deep sleep ... Feel angel protection, ..Teaching (lessons) feel awake and sharp.
001: Day 16 0600 It was all going on in the legs like they were doing their own thing
separate from my body, foot like a new shoot. I was wondering about getting up, listening to my husband shaving realised I was not as irritated by that as I usually am.
Well as the daylight broke and the birds started to sing the pains in the legs eased up.
I had the image of something curled in on itself like thick curly sheep‘s wool or folds of melted chocolate. The image amused and comforted me. I thought of these images replacing the dreams I didn‘t recall last night.
Pheasant outside calling and ruffling as they do. I felt part of the whole scheme of things like a plant belonging to the rhythms of night and spring.
Also felt the moon was pulling the blood around in the legs and now I am up notice how the sinus is so clear. I am breathing in the morning. Of course I am not happy that there is a backlog of work and not had enough sleep, but there is a different energy to this part of the day.
Also in the night when thinking about being a tree, had the feeling that I was thinner I wanted to get up and do the plough yoga posture where the legs are up in the air and head and shoulders on the ground like reaching up with the legs, reversed of what we are normally.
002: Day 16: Time 08:20: Feel deep within my soul. Silent, motionless, open, empty, calm, at one. Surrounded by a lot of difficult and pained unfolding Karma, my heart, my being is at peace with itself. Can barely believe that I am (in) the midst of a homeopathic healing-crisis at our school, where tempers got white hot over the last week. While I write this I suddenly get mild heart-pain.
002: Day 16: Time 16:00: Taught with strength and joy, allowed the spiritual nature of the self to shine through even into simple words for 10 year old children, confident, playful. Embodied the —story to all” deeply, even with a little fear, stemming from the gap which now lives unbridged between some colleagues and me. I‘m not bridging it of my own accord. I‘m not volunteering any longer, I‘m going away after my immediate work is done. The bigger well-being of the whole community and my place in it are shaken.
002: Day 16: Time 18:00: Notice how deeply relieved I am to speak my being straight. The woman I once passionately loved (or at least fancied) comes accidentally towards me, eyeball to eyeball, I don‘t resonate any more, I look, I wait, I greet friendly, dispassionately.(but is this me?)
002: Day 16: Time 20:00: too much talking, I get irritated and withdrawn.
001 Day 17 Supervisor Sudden lifting of frustrations/disappointments realised the depth of love and gratitude beneath the surface layers of ???? and the distractions ?? that can result from living in these ‘surface layers’. A very profound and sudden shift of awareness
002: Day 17: Time 20:00: Seek Angelic guidance for my commissioned Christianity poem for —Flint” and receive prompt, powerful poetic text, which I feel to be right.
001 day 18 Woke up annoyed couldn‘t recall dreams. A very bad night couldn‘t get to sleep. Pain at base of right little toe stabbing (NS).
We are going to a christening. I couldn‘t decide what to wear and in the end chose a grey trousers and jacket and an orange top.
Arrived at the church it was far too cold. Husband had gone straight on which turned out to be right off the main rd so we were slightly delayed but arrived in time. Some piebald horses in a field - ages since seen a piebald horse. We let off balloons for the child and they flew straight into 2 trees and looked like strange blue blossom. After the service we went to a village hall for the buffet. It was cold - no heating no chairs, no cutlery. I was planning my escape but knew I decided to come for aeason, not knowing the couple or their baby. And soon the reason was apparent. I was approached by the fathers mothershe was talking about creativity. We soon got on to talk about spiritual things. Later someone else turned out tohave lived in all the places I have and now lives in a place which used to be a favourite tea room until they movedthere and stopped it being a tea room. When we had gone there and the tea room was closed (some years ago) I recall saying I wish I could meet the owners and ask them ( or tell them off) why they hadn‘t kept it going in such a picturesque place. It felt like I knew this man and his wife especially and in going out the mother said i believe it (instead of asking where!) As she was talking I was looking at her nails for some reason.
Also after my eye dream yesterday or so a pt just told me she is to have a laser eye surgery next week. I feel she may end up blind from the floaters I saw in my dream in my eye and wonder if it is a warning to her.
002: Day 18: Time 20:00: Am I beginning to forgive what I still perceive a bitter wrongdoing against me?
001:Day 19 14.00 went into town felt people were staring/looking at me. Never felt that before. Felt as if they knew me very disconcerting made me reflect on a karmic pattern for me of almost meeting people from the past, but missing opportunity to reconnect.
002: Day 19: Time 08:00: Tired don’t recall dreams. Don’t want to teach anyone cancel parent - everything (ask them to work without me) and Kindergarten. But take on Classes 7 and 8, as under the exhaustion I am strong
002: Day 19: Time 15:00: At home again, want to sit down, read —wisdom”, drink —eternity”, Wary of adults. Crave an embrace that would wake my slumbering physical body up.
002: Day 19: Time 23:00: Delicate, vulnerable, nonetheless balanced.
002: Day 20: Time 08:00: Entire day lived with the wish to be wrapped in a warm blanket on top of the world, in the silence of a mountain hut, alone with the primal silence of nature and the stars.
002: Day 20: Time 20:00: Question as to how to harmonize my psychology with those who are stuck to their physical body and all that goes with it?
002: Day 20: Time 21:00: Notice how I walk slowly, my feet in the tempo of my heart, my clarinet-fingers in the tempo of my breath; I am slow as a tree, in the ground of my identity under my feet. Think that I am finally in-carnating to a slow, calm Earth and confidence to —ride” on it on my own terms.
002: Day 20: Supervisor’s notes: Extra information : Finding it difficult to forgive and forget.
005: Day 20: 21.00: Feeling really poorly & depressed like used to be 5/6 yrs ago. ME Sickly/nauseous feeling in abdomen.
002: Day 21: Time 22:00: Lifted my spirit by reading poetry by B.Pasternak, then about
—Lazarus”.
001: day 22 Watery discharge from nose which was blocked left side only had the feeling the face was divided down the middle and only the left side was ill
001:day 22 One thing I have noticed is my writing has changed. Normally I write sloping even more sloping like this but since the proving I have written upright like this. I feel it is more difficult to write sloping like I am pushing against something like walking uphill against a head wind. However I feel I prefer the sloping writing.
002: Day 22: Time 13:00 at lunch-break, seeking a moment of peace with Fernando Pessoa for company, choosing a cafё with a beautiful woman friend behind the counter. She is not there, but She is. By my soul‘s reaction( jumping backwards) I know how very (thin) skinned I am again and how much I need re-skinning, re-you-ing, re-member-ing.
002: Day 22: Time 17:00 the general pedagogical meeting left me speechless with disappointment and forced me deeper into public dissent. I am feeling strong waves of antipathy —breaking” against my —shore”. After the meeting my upright-line felt like one long icicle.
002: Day 22: Time 21:00 could barely enter the clarinet-space when trying to do a practise.
003: Day 22: no time: Water spilling seems to be a feature too. A patient spilt some yesterday. 8 year old said it looked like ice and I have just kicked a cup of water over. Water spilling in my dreams.
002: Day 23: noTime. I Feel less tired, more physiologically alive. In the course of the day a build up of self-assertion against increasing backdrop of anger and helplessness.
002: Day 23: Time 17:00 I went on to play clarinet with great self-abandon and powered the instrument for all it was worth, which brought me the first follower(?) look from a passing by old pupil. Then I hear of Wendy‘s migrane at home, abandon other evening plans, come home and plunge instead into a Rothko-black soul-state from 22h to 5am my being overwhelmed with a sheer absence of life joy and enjoyment of self-hood. My black mood makes her headache seem all the crueller, as no compassion - substances seems to flow from me.
002: Day 24: Time 09:00 bring two Japanese to Leeds/Bradford Airport. my mood moves (I am a mover, am I not?) towards the light. aware that this blackness was a discharge from the depth of my being, an excretion of poison, a relief as if going to the toilet. Subsequently feel lighter, less —fat” (i.e. less astrally ransid) nearer to a purifying diet without my fast-foods (coffee, tea, yoghurt, bread, cheese, choc, biscuits, cake, cereal.. ,)as my kidneys feel under a lot of stress.
002: Day 24: Time 15:00 give Wendy finally full attention and sincere apologies for having been so blackly, bleakly absent during her night of distress.
002: Day 24: Time 18:30 Drive to town to pick up our daughter and go to our school‘s 28th birthday party get there before anything‘s begun, am slightly taken aback. Then the unavoidable question: how are you? Between heaven and hell, so you are human right now says some-one to which I inwardly very much answer: finally Two portions bitter, one portion sweet.but I sweeten even more during the evening, am ever more willing to let go into the general joy of aliveness. Experience my difficult colleagues as harmlessly blending brush-strokes in the big picture, feel hauled back from the cold by the community-being (angel)
002: Day 24: Supervisor’s notes: Extra information: Workplace like someone dancing on my grave. Felt powerless and helpless overwhelmed me, crushed me. Prayed. Climbing back out of that terrible space. Guardian angel came. (Played clarinet) with feeling of desperate fearlessness. Need to master my energy to fix my broken wings to get them in right space to heal. Must bite the bullet.
002: Day 26: Time 18:00 suddenly, during clarinet practise the old teenage doodle-image of a man with an axe for foot ( don‘t know which one) came to mind, after years, from nowhere. because my left side (hand and foot) seems to tilt away from bondage of sorts. Its not conincidental that I am writing this with a new fountain pen( blue - green ink), after I‘ve lost 2 over the course of the recent year. Too much turbulence. I am investing again in myself. .. My left foot feels newly alive, the meridian flow is noticeably up. Never as a kid could I ever pivot around this left foot axis while skiing. It feels better to be Fynn again. It seems true that the black moment around 22 hours Friday night was an excretion not an inhalation. My whole bearing is light born(e) again. I’m flying again after having limped against a terrible wind an up-beat is noticeable inside my heart.
Y eurythmy group’s grace touched me deeply this morning.
003: General times: Eye contact being difficult looking straight at people but not actively connecting eyes which has been horrid on occasions. Folk I wanted to connect with just not being able to.
VERTIGO
010: Day 0: 16.40: Felt nauseous and dizzy- found it difficult to focus on book I was reading, felt like seasickness.
006: Day 2: 11.00: Twice during the morning I felt wobbly whilst standing up.
004: Day 3: 09.15: Vertigo. Not sure what this has got to do with my ear but sensation of being in a lift
004: Day 4: 16.20: Vertigo again. I put some SOS antiseptic into my ear and the vertigo started again.
001:day 28 12 00 FEEL DIZZY
HEAD
Head and neck ache ( 10.30a.m ). Again late afternoon.
Head very good today, best for ages.
Good sleep, no head pain
Headache and tired.
Headache markedly better than 2 weeks ago. ( Supervisor‘s notes )
no head pain
head aching worse
Head painful and felt very unsteady on feet, walking to loo and back.
Head easier all day
Headache - vague pressure
No headache at all- wonderful.
Headache- dull all night.
Head eased up
Head a bit sickly but not too bad.
Swam even with sickly headache - better for exercise
Head quite painful all night
Head easier overnight so slept better
Head slight, because tired. A few sharp pains top left. Eased with massage.
Head was troublesome - dull ache quite strong
Head not bad
008: head feels compressed and squashed on the pillow as though my body weight is too much - feel as though I need to be suspended in a more fluid way to be comfortable - water bed or air bed!
002: Day 0: 18.00: Slight Right temple pain, dull pressure.
003. Day 0: 14.45: Felt lightheaded immediately on putting the remedy in my mouth lasted seconds. NS 004: Day 0 14.42: Feeling a bit vacant - pressure 3rd eye - almost a headache
005: Day 0: 17.25: Head feels heavy, temples and top.
009: Day 0: 10.20: Head, inside of middle is pounding, very, very slight as if pushing upwards and outwards and expanding sideways. [NS]
009: Day 0: 10.25: Head still feels muffled pounding, R ear too. [NS]
009: Day 0: 14.00: Day 0: Dull headache, pounding
0010: Day 0: 15.00 - 17.00: Stabbing pains in head different parts.
0010: Day 0: 20.50: Stabbing pain vertex ‘L‘ side very brief, few seconds, then stopped, then again.
003: Day 1: 20.00: Head pain, on top of my head. Sharp pain. Lasted seconds only, like a nail pressed into my scull. ‘NS’
005: Day 1: 07.25: Slight headache when I move my head
005: Day 1: 11.00: Coffee Headache, normally no effect. Back of head and top, pressing pain, lasted about 20 mins. Started 10 mins after I started drinking coffee ‘NS’
005: Day 1: 12.15pm Head hurting, temples and top of head, dull pain. Getting worse
005: Day 1: 13.30: Head still bad, temples, top and back, pressing pain, like a cap but not worn at temples, also just above and behind ears very sore.
005: Day 1: 15.30: Head still really hurting at temples, also right at the back where the head joins the neck
005: Day 1: 16.00: ‘R‘ side back of head base hurts
005: Day 1: 16.33: Pain back of head moved to ‘L‘ side now [ alt sy ]
005: Day 1: 16.33: Temples pressing pain continuous throughout day, sensation like a tight cap.
005: Day 1: 22.00: Head pain still pressing, mostly at back of ears, mastoid now. Head feels tight all over.
009: Day 1: 09.25: Headache, slight faint dull ache NS
[? Could have been pressure of situation i.e. sitting for hours at my Aunt‘s bedside?]010:Day 1: 21.00: Fleeting stabbing pains in back of head
003: Day 2: am [no time modalities given] I awoke with the remnants of the headache. Just a pressing downwards on the top of my head. Passed quickly NS
003: Day 2: [ no time modalities given]
Head pain quite a lot today, occasional shooting pains ROS
Head pain? Oppressive pains like in the dream, but much less intense NS
003: Day 2: Evening: Head pains some oppressive weight on top but also some shooting pains in my forehead came and went.
005: Day 2: 09.00: My head hurts, temples mostly
005: Day 2: 23.00: Twinges of head pain, temples and mastoid, bone pressing when I‘m standing and walking
009: Day2:10.00: Head pain back, dull. Sensation as if something was coming in each temple and then going up through the top. [NS] It then came out and stopped at nostril, just the R side [NS]
009: Day 2: evening? time: Light head pain, frontal brow area, faint dull ache
009: Day 2:15.50: ‘L‘ side head twinging / ‘R‘ side head twinging NS / AS
006: Day 3: 10.30: Head and neck ache. Again late afternoon.
005: Day 4: 11.30 :Head pain, dull, at back of mastoid and occiput and base of skull. Pressing / constricted.
006: Day 4: no time modalities Head very good today, best for ages.
008: Day 4: 09.00: head feels compressed and squashed on the pillow as though my body weight is too much,
009; Day 6: 19.00: ‘R‘ side head, temple shooting pain, to left ear, muffled feeling [NS]
003: Day 7: 14:00: Head pains 2 pm onwards as before like a weight on the top of my head.
Ache rather than sharp. [NS] Also a bit like a band around my head came and went. [NS]
005: Day 8: 21.00: Drank a bit more than usual today, more thirsty, but not weeing more, must be re-hydrating. Head feels clear at last.
004: Day11: Feels like it's deep inside the centre of my head - backs of my eyes.
004: Day 11: 22:00: In bed. Lulu with me- Eyes are +++ sore. Also hurt my neck earlier too
- falling asleep on the sofa. Occipital pain -base of occiput - both sides. ++ tender to touch.
Aah! Have got lots of sore spots - chin line L side - and also in hairline - at back of head.
Feet don‘t feel painful/hot/itchy tonight.
003: Day 12: 18:30: Had a really bad frontal (forehead) headache at the end of working on case of someone who has these type of headaches NS. Doesn‘t usually happen. Like a sharp pressure. Last 30 mins perhaps. Cleared after exercise.
005: Day 12: 21.00: Nothing else to note other than I was supposed to start decorating spare room today and I was too tired to get started. Weekends really tire me out. But only fell asleep for half an hour about 14.00.
003: Day 13: no time: Woke in the night with a big hot flush, bigger than usual and a sudden very painful sharp shooting pain in my right forehead. Only lasted seconds.
003: Day 13: no time: Woke this am with those oppressive pains on top of my head that I‘ve had a few times. Took most the morning to clear. Just a dull ache like a weight on top of my head.
003: Day 13: 20:00: Headache as above. Came back later in the afternoon and stayed!
Supervisor additional Day 14: Working all day, not eaten, so had head ache at 17:30 when finished.
001: Day 16 0600 Also felt the moon was pulling the blood around in the legs and now I am
up notice how the sinus is so clear.
005: Day 17: 18.30: No dreams, lots of energy. Throat slightly swollen on right side [OS] At 12.30 am got back from a night out. Right side of throat very sore, bright red, scratchy/raw. Empty swallowing hurts Head hurts back of base of skull a deep pressing pain.
005: Day 18: 07.30: Green hard mucous in back of throat and more hard to hawk up. Small amounts. Really sore all day, throat raw. Now both sides and all back of throat - fauces. Pain in back of head.
005: Day 19: 07.30: Feeling really poorly. Head sore, throat slightly better. Nose running, burns nostrils. No energy.
005: Day 19: 12.00: Going back to back, head hurts, streaming burning cold.
005: Day 20: 18.00: Very tired, limbs weak. Want to go to bed, but too much to do. Feels like flu cough if I breathe too deep. Dry cough. Muscles feel weak & sore. Tummy (abdomen) feels weak/unsettled/churning. Been for a poo once, looser than usual. Vaguely nauseous feeling, bit off food. Eyes sore & back of head hurts (pressing)
003: Day 21: no time: NS Head shooting pains at the top of my head at the back (occipital) transient.
003: Day 21: 1900 - 21:00: NS Forehead pain. Sharp pains quite intense. Kept rubbing it. (Note: Next to last patient of the day suffered ++ headaches).
003: Day 21: Supervisor additional: Head symptoms: congested, oppressive. Shooting pains on top of head whilst in car - not in a rush. Forehead pain 1900 - 21:00 while helping daughter pack.
005: Day 21: 21.00: Been feeling awful all day. Low grade fever, no energy. Dull head pain, pressure all over, like full with a ball [NS]. Wandering aches around body. Tenacious mucous from back of nose all down fauces. Feel as if would cough if breathe too deeply.Feels like virus infection. No energy. Food still tastes a little bitter.
001: day 22 Headache due to blocked sinus on left. On blowing nose squeaking in the left ear.
003: Day 22: 09:36: today at the gym head pain then too briefly forehead, also a bit breathless and tired when I wouldn‘t expect to be. All improved by the end of the class.
003: Day 22: 17:00: Here we are 5pm and frontal headache again. That’s three at this time of day that I can recall. Maybe others I didn’t note - forehead sharp want to rub it. I had something to eat, bread and marmite, headache went.
003: Day 22: 20:00 - 21:00: Head pain, forehead - like before.
001: Day 23: migraine
001: day 25 14 00: migraine constant not able to do anything. Its my usual left sided with some nausea and spells of sleep which do not relieve. This time the soreness of the left leg which comes with it mainly on the outer thigh up to bottom seems worse. Its like sore to touch as if sunburnt maybe shingle type pain. It’s 4-5 weeks since the last migraine. Yest afternoon it went off for a couple of hours but returned at sunset that’s what it usually does.
EYE
006 Eyes felt very tired and achey. Wanted to close them and sleep.
Eyesight seems worse - very poor close vision
001: Day 0: 10.15: Eyes dry despite tears
004: Day 0: 20.50: L inner canthi, itchy feels sticky.
004: Day 1: 14.15: Eyes feel light sensitive, quite sore and dry.
005: Day 1: 13.40: Eyes are feeling, prickly and a bit sensitive.
004: Day 2: 20.30: Eyes are still very light sensitive. Sticky feeling but with no discharge.
009: Day 2: evening? time: Strange sensation in eyes, as if they were closing but they weren‘t.
010: Day 3: 09.30: Watery eyes
008: Day 4: 17.30: Eyesight seem worse, very poor close vision.
003: Day 6:15.00: ‘ R‘ eye lid very itchy, on the line of my eyelashes, I wanted to scratch it, only lasted about 5 mins.
004: Day 7: 08.00: All night ... sharpe cramping pains in stomach +++ nausea
SAI eyeballs are ballbearings Pressure behind eyes as if eyes are being pressed out.
No appetite..feel too sick. Also, this morning, slightly browny/pink discharge... like at vey beginning of menses...if so I'll be 7 days early!'
004: Day 7: 21:30: Just felt awful all day - don't know if I've forgotten anything even!
003: Day 8: 13:00: Cleaning off mascara from eyelids use body shop Chamomilla lotion (make up remover) Had the margins of my eyelids < right very re -not sore only lasted seconds - never noticed that before. NS
003: Day 10: no time: Aware of —sleep” in my eyes - yellow crusty during the day and I have had this before during the proving. Just feeling like there is something in the corner of my eye that I need to shift.
004: Day 11: 22:00: In bed. Lulu with me-Eyes are +++ sore. Also hurt my neck earlier too -falling asleep on the sofa. Occipital pain -base of occiput - both sides. ++ tender to touch.
Aah! Have got lots of sore spots - chin line L side - and also in hairline - at back of head. Feet don‘t feel painful/hot/itchy tonight.
005: Day 20: 18.00: Very tired, limbs weak. Want to go to bed, but too much to do. Feels like flu cough if I breathe too deep. Dry cough. Muscles feel weak & sore. Tummy (abdomen) feels weak/unsettled/churning. Been for a poo once, looser than usual. Vaguely nauseous feeling, bit off food Eyes sore & back of head hurts (pressing)
VISION
002 Day 0 10am: yellow green colouring passing swiftly from right to left through my inner seeing.
004: Day 3: 06.30: Eyesight seems to have got worse in last 3-4 days. I can‘t get far enough away to see anything clearly, writing looks blurred.
EAR
001: Day 0: 10.15 : EAR: kind of tinnitus in both ears R/S
001 Day 0 10.15am: sensation of tinnitus like it‘s removing me from the world
003: Day 0: 19.35: Left ear, sharp pain lasted seconds. Wanted to rub my ear, went away very quickly.
010: Day 1: 06.30: Crackling in R ear NS
003: Day 2: [ no time modalities given]Transient ear pain R came and went, better when I rubbed it, it went away ROS
004: Day 2: 08.00: Ear pain! ‘R‘ ear has flared up again, so this is a recurring problem. RS Itchy first. Sensation of wetness inside. Have put some SOS Antiseptic spray inside it. < pressure on meatus. Also pain extending underneath ear to neck.
004: Day 2: 16.00: Still got ear pain no better no worse.
005: Day 2: 23.00: A sore patch behind my ‘R’ ear, I thought my glasses were
rubbing behind my ear. ‘NS’ A very small, red and slightly raised patch I think it‘s a new symptom as it’s ‘R’ sided and my glasses haven’t rubbed in 2 years, all my usual stuff would be ‘L’ sided.
005: Day 2: 23.00: ‘R’ ear really painful at the moment.
005: Day 2: 23.00: Ear, pressure worse sitting down, in both eardrums, pressing pain. NS
004: Day 3: 06.30: ‘R’ ear pain is worse today, it woke me up in the night, its < pressure so lying on ‘R’ side is painful. There is still no discharge.
004: Day 3: 21.40: Ear pain has been getting worse all day. I thought it was ok as it hadn’t got worse yesterday but its just getting worse. Pain in TMJ [?] on biting, pain on swallowing, pain on turning to ‘L’. In fact I’m thoroughly miserable with it.
Am going to take other remedy if it doesn’t start to get better overnight.
009: Day 3: 11.05: Spasm, shooting pain ‘R’ ear [had some shooting pain behind ear as a child when I had tonsilitis?] ? return OS
009: Day 3: unknown time: Nip, Nip, Nip like naughty children [this comment in the supervisors notes relates to the above pain]
004: Day 4: 09.00: Ear improved overnight no other remedy needed.
005: Day 5: 12.45: ‘R‘ ear has started bothering me again, just slightly sore and niggly.
003: Day 6: afternoon: Pain ‘L‘ ear, short and sharp like it was in the night, stopped when I rubbed it.
003: Day 17: no time: Ear still crackling a bit better than yesterday. Little tender to touch today.
003: Day 18: no time: Ear still crackling like fluid in it.
003: Day 24: no time: Ears crackling again.
003: Day 25: no time: Ear crackling.
003: Day 27: no time: left ear has been burning on the outside all during the proving. It started doing this just before the proving started.
003: Day 27: no time: Crackling in ear again.
HEARING
009: Day 0: 10.22: ‘R‘ ear a bit muffled like when you go through a tunnel, on train [NS]
009: Day 0: 10.22: Muffled pounding ‘R‘ ear [NS]
003: Day 2: [ no time modalities given] Everything sounding louder, paper crumpling even.
NOSE
Runny nose, loose clear fluid from ‘R‘ nostril.
Runny nose again.
Runny nose, very loose clear fluid, ‘R‘ nostril
Runny nose and every 2hrs ish
Very runny right nose. Right nostril.
Runny nose
003: Day 0: 14.50: Nose running L nostril, clear and briefly watery. RS
005: Day 0: 14.40: Sneezing 3 times
005: Day 1: 16.00 Pain ‘R‘ side bridge of nose
010: Day 1: 06.30: NO runny nose [unusual for me]
006: Day 2: Evening: [no time modalities] Runny nose, loose clear fluid from ‘R‘ nostril.
005: Day 4: 07.00 :Lot‘s of thick clear mucus coming away from back of nose and throat this
morning, feels like sinusis clearing. [OS]
005: Day 4: 07.00:Slight sniffles now up and about.
006: Day 5:10.00: Runny nose again.
006: Day 6: 09.30: Runny nose, very loose clear fluid, ‘R’ nostril. Painting Tipi
003: Day 11: 13:00: Blowing my nose and blood streaked greenish snot on the tissue. Nose feels stuffed up felt as if need to clear it. OS
003: Day 12: no time: Nose sore RHS of right nostril outside NS (? Think had before). Feels like its raw - soreness. Looks red and raw. Feels sore and dry.
005: Day 18: 17.00: Nose started running. Can’t taste food.
001: day 21More saliva
003: Day 21: no time: My catarrh is worse has been through most of the proving.
003: Day 22: no time: ? Cold coming on. Runny nose. Bit of sneezing. Bit of sore throat. -didn‘t develop.
001: day 22 Watery discharge from nose which was blocked left side only had the feeling the face was divided down the middle and only the left side was ill.
FACE
001 Day 0: 10.15: FACE: Slight twinge L cheek.
004 Day 0: 20.50: Itchy skin under L eye & down cheek.
0010: Day 0: 17.00: Pain moved to cheek bones [from head]
005: Day 1: 12.55pm: Lower jaw really achy.
005: Day 1: 16.00: Pain front temples extending under eyes, slightly over cheek bone
007: Day 3: 18.00: Driving home aware of sore feeling at right side of mouth [external] as if a split starting. [NS]
007: Day 3: 23.30: Open mouth quite painful at right side where it feels like a split [but can‘t see anything] There is a small raised area about the size of a pimple which is tender to touch. [NS] Laying in bed the area is pulsating with a warm sensation [like a cold sore starting?] [NS]
007: Day 5: 06.50: Small red pimple still evident near lip, slightly tender to touch but no sensation [NS]
007: Day 5: 13.50: Small red pimple at side of mouth only slightly tender to touch [NS]
007: Day 6:22.30: Small red pimple above my lip; pulsating sensation as I‘m going off to sleep.
003: Day 9: no time: Travelling to my mum’s this morning I thought my face feels fatter -my cheeks feel like they have filled out. NS
MOUTH
001: Day 0: 15.00: Taste in mouth like had smoked fags O/S
001: Day 0: 16.00: Funny sensation back of tongue, like I had just placed hairbrush on it.
N/S
001: Day 0: 20.00: Tongue feels dry. Taste sour, as if I squeezed the taste out of the tongue. O/S I like the sour taste, its like a sponge N/S
001 Day 0 21.30: Burning sensation tip of tongue.
002: Day 0: 18.00: Tightening feeling in the inside cheek cavities. Fleeting salty taste on tongue.
005: Day 0: 14.30; Dry mouth
001 Day 0 20.00: Metallic decaying sensation coming up, it‘s not the teeth. N/S
001: Day 1: 17.37: Sour tongue feeling again ‘NS‘
005: Day 1: 06.50: Also very thirst, dry mouth.
005: Day 1: 15.30: 2 ulcers ‘R‘ side of inner cheek, one right next to the gum at the back, the other in cheek.
001: Day 2: 14.00: Taste in mouth sour RS
005: Day 2: 23.00: Lower jaw aching this evening NS Ulcers have gone down
007: Day2: 19.05: Cleaning teeth; gums bleeding.[RS]
005: Day 3:10.00: Had to get up once in the night to pee and had a very dry mouth. Had had a large glass of water before bed as had been thirsty the night before, but still needed another У2 a glass in the night after peeing.
007: Day 3: 23.30: Cleaning teeth, gums bleeding. Open mouth quite painful at right side where it feels like a split [but can‘t see anything] There is a small raised area about the size of a pimple which is tender to touch. [NS] Laying in bed the area is pulsating with a warm sensation [like a cold sore starting?] [NS]
003: Day 4: 12.30: Fizzing tongue, fizzing sensation.
003: Day 4: 14.00: Dry mouth, but not thirsty for water, orange juice is better but I don‘t want to gulp it.
007: Day 4: 08.35: Clean teeth; gums don‘t bleed as much. Mouth not sore to open this morning but small raised area there and still sore to touch. [NS]
007: Day 4: 22.05: Brushing teeth; gums bleed [RS]
001: Day 6: 09.00: Saliva profuse in mouth as driving to work [NS]
003: Day 6: no time mods: Dry mouth as before, all day. Fizzy tongue as previous afternoon
007: Day 6: no time mods: Gums still bleeding when cleaning teeth.
003: Day 7: evening: Dry mouth more noticeable in the evening. [NS]
001: day 9 Lots of saliva pouring in(NS)
001:day 10 woke up with lots of saliva 10 30am saliva profuse
001:day 10 10 30am Dry lips again
001:Day 11:21.00: Crown of molar tooth fell out oh no (NS) Lots more saliva wonder where if its anything to do with it.
001:Day 12Dentist put crown back and said it had never happened to him that a permanent crown had fallen out and he couldn‘t understand it
001: day14 Saliva problem is better a bit but still on and worse in the car.
001: Day 18 Cold sore coming to corner of mouth left OS
005: Day 18: 17.00: Nose started running. Can‘t taste food.
005: Day 18: 22.00: Feel awful. Fluish. No energy (No joint pain or muscle
ache).Food/wine no taste other than when blow nose then can get flavours of food - like stop n grow [NS]
001: DAY 19 COLD sore > then 2pm Cold sore again took nat mur 30c
001: day 22 06.30 Feeling like I am not ill -it is just a cold. But I never get colds! The cold sore on the left corner seems to get better and then worse then better. It doesn‘t go but it doesn‘t get worse either.
001: day 27 17.30 Gum boil upper right RS
001:day 28 10 00 Got up Gum boil still there but flatter. It may be where dentist injected me. A patient rang her crown suddenly fell out. And dentist said not enough tooth to put it back, tooth must have come out.
001: day 21More saliva
THROAT
008: My voice is quite hoarse, throat feels dry and scrapey, with an irritable cough, < inspiring and eating, and I‘m bringing up salty tasting phlegm. I had this a bit same time last night but didn‘t think to write it down as both kids have a mild cold too at the moment.
Wonder if it will come back again tomorrow night (I didn’t have it during the day at all)...
Hoarseness has returned - had no problem until now - have an irritating dry cough, less phlegm and > hot drinks
008 My voice is quite hoarse, throat feels dry and scrapey, with an irritable cough, < inspiring and eating, and I‘m bringing up salty tasting phlegm.
003: Day 0: 14.45: A lot of mucus down back of throat that I would normally associate with Dairy, but had not had any for 2 days. RS/ OS Started gagging, I thought I was going to be sick, very unlike me. Never happened before. NS It was ur..ur..dramatic, over the top.Sudden build up of mucus, loads of it, making me hawk.
004: Day 0: 15.15: Sore throat L side. Rasped on top of tonsils. Sens of swollen.
005: Day 1: 15.30: Lot‘s of mucus at back of throat
008: Day 1: 20.00: My voice is quite hoarse, throat feels dry and scrapy.
003: Day 2: [ no time modalities given] Mucus back again transitionally, didn‘t gag though I thought I might ROS
005: Day 2: 07.50: Some thick clear mucus came away at the back of my throat, feels like sinus starting to clear RS probably why my head was so bad yesterday. Still feel heavy headed today.
009: Day 2: 03.00: Woken up with pain in gullet [OS] Going from mouth to gut I had this before about 12 years ago. It is not a nice pain, its intense, it hurts. I gulp air down it‘s better, you are expanding where it has narrowed.
003: Day 3: 20.00: Bit of a sore throat, like a cold coming on, at the back of the throat.
003: Day 4: 19.00: Throat a bit sore, at the back, like a cold coming on.
005: Day 8: 8.30: No dreams, no weeing. Woke up with sore throat [OS] left side, feels inflamed. Dark red, used to get it a lot years ago. Last had it more than 2 years ago.
005: Day 8:14.00: At last! Definitely feeling more positive & energetic. Throat still little sore, glands in left side up. Thinking more clearly & able to plan better (Back to normal).
005: Day 17: 18.30: No dreams, lots of energy. Throat slightly swollen on right side [OS] At 12.30 am got back from a night out. Right side of throat very sore, bright red, scratchy/raw.
Empty swallowing hurts Head hurts back of base of skull a deep pressing pain.
005: Day 17: 03 .00ish: Woke very sore, swallowing hurt a lot, lots of watery saliva, hard to get back to sleep.
005: Day 18: 07.30: Green hard mucous in back of throat and more hard to hawk up. Small amounts. Really sore all day, throat raw. Now both sides and all back of throat - fauces. Pain in back of head.
005: Day 20: Still feeling really awful, hot/cold, no energy. Throat sore, slight cough -bronchial
005: Day 20: 21.00: Feeling really poorly & depressed like used to be 5/6 yrs ago.ME Sickly/nauseous feeling in abdomen.Food tastes bitter. Lack of appetite. Sweating all over damp, esp base of hairline. Shifting pains in muscles, buttocks, between shoulder blades & inside of top of calves. Feeling very weak. Feels like getting worse not better. Niggling little cough. Sporadic thick mucous at back of throat, clear & sometimes green (first thing in am)
001: Day 21 00.00 sore throat in night
001:day 22 05.00 Woke up around this time feeling quiet ill with sore throat on left side slightly burning.
EXTERNAL THROAT/NECK
005: Day 8:14.00: At last! Definitely feeling more positive & energetic. Throat still little sore, glands in left side up. Thinking more clearly & able to plan better (Back to normal).
STOMACH
001: Day O: 20.00: Stomach bloated. R/S
005: Day 1: 13.30: Feeling nauseous.
005: Day 1: 16.00: Hungry, ate piece of cake, mouth full of too much saliva like before being sick, but didn‘t feel sick at moment.
001: Day 2: 16.36: Stomach ache since am. Colic since I got up. RS The dragging makes me feel tired.
001: Day 2: 19.00: Griping pains continue with rushes of saliva into mouth RS concon: Colic > bending over chair
001: Day 4: 19.00: Cramps again [stomach] RS + +
001: Day 4: 20.30: Cramps with saliva.
001: Day 5: 01.00: Cramping very bad in stomach. All night no matter what [took tissue salts] [RS]
003: Day 9: no time: It strikes me I have been hungrier - had —all gone” feelings sometimes daily that come and go quite quickly. Like I’m hungrier and need to heat but try not to.
005: Day 20: 18.00: Very tired, limbs weak. Want to go to bed, but too much to do. Feels like flu cough if I breathe too deep. Dry cough. Muscles feel weak & sore. Tummy abdomen) feels weak/unsettled/churning. Been for a poo once, looser than usual. Vaguely nauseous feeling, bit off food. Eyes sore & back of head hurts (pressing)
005: Day 21: 08.00: I still feel awful. Chest is worse. Bringing small amounts of mucous up, but it is tight and tickly irritations back of bronchi.Outside of larynx feels itchy [OS] want to scratch but not better for it Really tired. Stomach/abdomen still upset. Aching lower back.
004: Day 7: 08.00: All night ... sharp cramping pains in stomach +++ nausea
SAI eyeballs are ballbearings Pressure behind eyes as if eyes are being pressed out.
No appetite..feel too sick. Also, this morning, slightly browny/pink discharge... like at vey beginning of menses...if so I'll be 7 days early!'
004: Day 7: 21:30: Just felt awful all day - don't know if I've forgotten anything even! Going to bed... still cramping stomach and heavy eyes. Abdomen pain
003: Day 8: It struck me this morning that orange and orange juice are a feature (of remedy).
I am eating about 2 a day when I would have had one at most.
004: Day 8: 17:00: Have spent most of the day doing nothing- well, apart from run around after children... ferrying them to and fro...
Anyway I still feel sick - the nausea hasn't lifted all day. It's getting me down too.
004: Day 9: 07:00: Got up feeling much better this am - but as time is going on I'm feeling sicker and sicker. <drinking tea.
004 Day 11 Also still feel a bit nauseous but generally that's much better than earlier in week.
002: Day 23: Time Feeling of a hole in the pit of my stomach (solar plexus).
ABDOMEN
002: Day 0: 18.00: Flatulence
003 No day or time: Had horrific wind one day. Trapped lower abdominal pain. > flatulence!
008: Whilst cooking tea had very heavy ‘bearing down’ feelings in my lower abdomen -dragging pains very like Sepia. Felt better after eating,
005: Day 0: 14.30: Sharp pains R lower abdomen. Drank water, have to lie down.
Abdomen gurgling, can‘t feel it just hear it.
005: Day 0: 15.25: Stabby pain intermittently in R side abdomen
005: Day 0: 18.10: Aching deep in abdomen, bit like a period pain, but it would usually have gone off as soon as I got up. OS Think it has been getting worse all day. Occ sharp stab in L side abdomen, above hipbone line.
005: Day 1: 06.50: Abdomen feels bruised like the day after I‘ve eaten a lot of cream
005: Day 1: 07.25: All around my middle feels tight
005: Day 1: 12.15pm: Abdomen gurgling, area of duodenum, some liquid passing through, not as achy.
005: Day 1: 13.30: Lots of gurgling in abdomen after eating.
005: Day 1: 13.40: Abdomen much better for food
005: Day 1: 22.00: Abdomen is still slightly swollen and sore.
009: Day 1: 11.10: Pain in stomach, drawing, constrictive. Realised it was across diaphragm, heavy, weight, couldn‘t breath deeply. Remember I felt like this when I had ‘C‘ section, spinal tap and lumber puncture? return OS
005: Day 2: 06.50: Back and abdomen hurting, pressing / drawing pain.
005: Day 2: 09.00: ‘ L‘ side of abdomen hurts. Squeezing / pressing pain. ‘L‘ of belly button between belly button and ribcage‘
005: Day 3:10.00: Abdomen swollen and bruised feeling.
005: Day 3:15.00: Digestive system been hurting, like someone pushing thumbs into waist.
Both sides but ‘L‘ side more intense, left up into centre very uncomfortable [OS] Going to have a snack to see if > muscles at back centre waist region hard and stiff.
005: Day 4: 07.00:I also remember I had quite a bit of wind yesterday throughout day, worse in the afternoon and early evening, smelt awful, like rotten cabbage. Never had that before. No pain no gurgling, got better after I‘d been to the loo. [NS]
005: Day 6: 10.30: Abdomen really hurting, like extreme period pains, like someone squeezing really tight and not letting go, like labour pains, awful ! > better pressing with pillow.[RS]
005: Day 6: 10.30: Had to be face down with tummy on pillow to get back to sleep. (like menstrual pain)
010: Day 6: no times: Morning flatulence, lasted till lunchtime
004: Day 10: 06:00: got up because I really do hurt, lying in bed.
Also +++ heavy period. Really flooding this morning. Quite painful too > sitting, < standing, < lying down. Pain in pelvis and down legs to calves!
001:Day 18 Windy again (NS) FLATULANCE RETURNED as before Not offensive but frequent.
001:Day 20 03.00 Woke up with stomach cramps like before. Took nux vom. Had a spicey meal last night. Is it that? Now I feel exhausted.
005: Day 20: 18.00: Very tired, limbs weak. Want to go to bed, but too much to do. Feels like flu cough if I breathe too deep. Dry cough. Muscles feel weak & sore. Tummy abdomen) feels weak/unsettled/churning.Been for a poo once, looser than usual.Vaguely nauseous feeling, bit off food Eyes sore & back of head hurts (pressing)
005: Day 20: 21.00: Feeling really poorly & depressed like used to be 5/6 yrs ago. ME Sickly/nauseous feeling in abdomen.
001:Day 9 very windy (RS) also yesterday all day
RECTUM
Felt very constipated suddenly - tenesmus - bad urging to go but nothing happening.
005: Day 4: 07.00:I also remember I had quite a bit of wind yesterday throughout day, worse in the afternoon and early evening, smelt awful, like rotten cabbage. Never had that before.
No pain no gurgling, got better after I‘d been to the loo. [NS]
005: Day 20: 21.00: Feeling really poorly & depressed like used to be 5/6 yrs ago.ME Sickly/nauseous feeling in abdomen.Food tastes bitter. Lack of appetite Sweating all over damp, esp base of hairline Shifting pains in muscles, buttocks, between shoulder blades & inside of top of calves. Feeling very weak.Feels like getting worse not better Niggling little cough Sporadic thick mucous at back of throat, clear & sometimes green (first thing in am)
STOOL
008 Went to the loo - hard lumps though but felt better.
005: Day 0: 14.30: Went for a poo - softer than usual.
005: Day 1: 22.00: Feeling better since had a poo @ 1 hour ago
010: Day 1: 11.00: Well formed stool [ normally loose stool at 6.30am]
010: Day 2: 15.00: Normal stool
005: Day 3:11.25: Been for a poo, realised didn‘t go yesterday [I‘m usually a once a day girl]
010: Day 3: 08.00: Small but loose stool [more like the usual, esp after 2 glasses wine & chocolate last night.]
010: Day 3: 14.30: Normal stool
005: Day 4: 09.15: Had a poo. Much softer than usual and lighter in colour, light chestnut, usually very dark brown, didn‘t smell [not cabbages] [NS]
005: Day 20: 18.00: Very tired, limbs weak. Want to go to bed, but too much to do. Feels like flu cough if I breathe too deep. Dry cough. Muscles feel weak & sore. Tummy (abdomen) feels weak/unsettled/churning. Been for a poo once, looser than usual. Vaguely nauseous feeling, bit off food Eyes sore & back of head hurts (pressing)
BLADDER / URINARY TRACT
0010: Day 0: 14.00: Day 0: Before remedy was completely dissolved in mouth, sensation;
Urging, overwhelming, to urinate, rushed to loo, copious amounts.
0010: Day 0: 17-18.00: 2 more bouts of sensation, urging, overwhelming to urinate, rushed
to loo, copious amounts.
0010: Day 0: 23.55: urgent need to urinate copious amounts.
005: Day 1: 06.50: Had to get up twice in the night to wee! NS
010: Day 1: 06.30 Urging to urinate again.
005: Day 2: 17.00: RS It feels like when I used to get kidney problems years ago if I got a chill on m back. However then I wouldn‘t pee much and after a couple of days I would start peeing well and the pain would go. This time I‘m peeing more if anything especially at night.
007: Day 3: 05.43: Woke to go to the loo.
003: Day 8: 13:00 Desire for a wee with only a little as well. Burning on labia now and afterwards. NS
KIDNEYS
005: Day 1: 13.40: Weeing more today than usual. ‘R‘ Kidney still slight dull ache around kidney area
005: Day 2:17.00: I‘ve been getting a niggling in my ‘R‘ kidney again, slight ache this afternoon on and off when driving home at 3pm and this evening.
005: Day 2: 17.00: RS It feels like when I used to get kidney problems years ago if I got a chill on m back. However then I wouldn‘t pee much and after a couple of days I would start peeing well and the pain would go. This time I‘m peeing more if anything especially at night.
URINE
0010: Day 0: 23.55: urgent need to urinate copious amounts.
003: Day 2:pm: Urine has a smell to it, noticed it last couple of days then realised I had to note it! No idea what the small is, just urine I think, my sense of smell isn‘t good.
003: Day 3: no time modalities: Urine, still smelly think its like horses urine. Very acidic today [was drinking wine last night, a bit dehydrated today]
003: Day 4: am: urine still smelly this morning, acidic.
MALE
002: Day 12: Time 22:00 my hormonal activity in the lately —flat” genitals was(is) noticeably strengthened. Have my balls back, freshly filled with some dry gun-powder.
002: Day 13: Supervisors notes so not strictly admissible:
More hormone strength in genitals, reinstatement of my own masculinity.
FEMALE
008 Whilst cooking tea had very heavy ‘bearing down’ feelings in my lower abdomen -dragging pains very like Sepia. Felt better after eating.
004: Day 0: 19.50: Stabbing pain ovaries, predominantly L sided, but starting in R side too.
0010: Day 0: 17.00: Itchy Vulva [OS]
004: Day 1: 09.30: Aching ‘L‘ ovary [but I‘m mid-cycle]
010: Day 2: 13.25: Thrush-like sensation, vulva, itch, very brief @ 2 mins.[RS]
004: Day 7: 08.00: All night ... sharpe cramping pains in stomach +++ nausea
SAI eyeballs are ballbearings Pressure behind eyes as if eyes are being pressed out.
No appetite..feel too sick. Also, this morning, slightly browny/pink discharge... like at vey beginning of menses
004 day11 Menses still +++heavy - tampon and towel over night and it still leaked.
004: Day 10: 06:00: got up because I really do hurt, lying in bed.
Also +++ heavy period. Really flooding this morning. Quite painful too > sitting, < standing, < lying down. Pain in pelvis and down legs to calves!
005: Day 10: 15.00: Vagina has been dry as a bone for about 6 years. Now light clear mucous ie normal lubrication just noticed.
Don‘t want this positive feeling to extend too much as did used to get a bit manic in teens and 20‘s. At moment all is just a good feeling of being able to cope with things. Have felt not as able to tackle anything in last 6 months. Now feeling more like old self. Played piano on Thursday (Day 8) for first time since Mum got sick (2 yrsish).
Back not hurting at all for last 2 days. Usually need to go to an osteopath when it is as bad as it was last week. Had a twinge under right patella about 10.00am, lasted about half an hour. Pain like a dull needle pain ie not as bad as a needle, but that type of pain, sharp, localised. Left heel bone hurting like a bruise/growing pain, constant not pulsating/throbbing [NS]
008: Whilst cooking tea had very heavy ‘bearing down‘ feelings in my lower abdomen -dragging pains very like Sepia. Felt better after eating,
005: Day 0: 18.10: Aching deep in abdomen, bit like a period pain, but it would usually have gone off as soon as I got up. OS Think it has been getting worse all day. Occ sharp stab in L side abdomen, above hipbone line.
005: Day 6: 10.30: Abdomen really hurting, like extreme period pains, like someone squeezing really tight and not letting go, like labour pains, awful ! > better pressing with pillow.[RS]
005: Day 6: 10.30: Had to be face down with tummy on pillow to get back to sleep. (like menstrual pain)
004: Day 10: 06:00: got up because I really do hurt, lying in bed.
Also +++ heavy period. Really flooding this morning. Quite painful too > sitting, < standing, < lying down. Pain in pelvis and down legs to calves!
LARYNX & TRACHEA
008 My voice is quite hoarse, throat feels dry and scrapey, with an irritable cough, < inspiring and eating, and I‘m bringing up salty tasting phlegm.
008: Day 2: 17.00: Hoarseness has returned, had no problem until now.
RESPIRATION
008 Esther says U keep gasping! Heavy exhaling actually! Also I keep on ‘blowing’ blowing air out as though I‘m trying to blow a balloon up!
005: Day 1: 16.33: Feel like I‘ve been holding my breath, and just took a deep breath, feels like I‘m starting to breath again now
COUGH
008: My voice is quite hoarse, throat feels dry and scrapey, with an irritable cough, < inspiring and eating, and I‘m bringing up salty tasting phlegm. I had this a bit same time last night but didn‘t think to write it down as both kids have a mild cold too at the moment.
Wonder if it will come back again tomorrow night (I didn’t have it during the day at all).
Hoarseness has returned - had no problem until now - have an irritating dry cough, less phlegm and > hot drinks
003: Day 0: 14.45: A lot of mucus down back of throat that I would normally associate with Dairy, but had not had any for 2 days. RS/ OS Started gagging, I thought I was going to be sick, very unlike me. Never happened before. NS It was ur..ur..dramatic, over the top.Sudden build up of mucus, loads of it, making me hawk.
005: Day 2:17.00 :Lots of sighing this evening as though my breathing is starting to relax at last. same time last night but didn‘t think to write it down as both kids have a mild cold too at the moment. Wonder if it will come back again tomorrow night (I didn‘t have it during the day at all)...
have an irritating dry cough, less phlegm and > hot drinks.
Joe was coughing and am aware I‘m doing a similar pattern to him, just a wee bit more sniffly and congested, dry tickly cough now.
This am woke up with a looser cough . hot drinks,
Cough has been annoying so took Phos 200c which seems to have knocked it in the head.
Cough very bad today so I took Lycopodium 200 - three doses during day helped quite a bit
was up in the night coughing too.
008: Day 2: 17.00: Have an irritating dry cough, less phlegm. > hot drinks.
010: Day 3: 22.00: Dry cough, intermittent over 10minutes > water
008: Day 4: 09.00: Woke up with a loose cough > hot drinks
008: Day 4: 17.30: ‘ E’ says ‘you keep gasping’. Heavy exhailing actually! Also I keep on ‘blowing’ blowing air out as though I’m trying to blow a balloon up!
008: Day 5: 08.00: Cough has been annoying so took Phos 200c which seems to have knocked it on the head.
008: Day 6: no time mods: Cough very bad today so I took LYC 200c, 3 doses during the day helped quite a bit.
008: Day 6: no time mods: Cough bad again in the evening so I tried Causticum, not so much help, but Lyc is no good now either. This is a typical end of cold cough, irritating, incessant, tickling and alternating dry and loose. But instead of my usual better for hot drinks it now seems to be better for cold, cold drinks, cold fresh air I don‘t cough at all outside, but I‘m too thirsty for Pulsatilla so...
005: Day 20: Still feeling really awful, hot/cold, no energy. Throat sore, slight cough -bronchial
005: Day 20: 18.00: Very tired, limbs weak. Want to go to bed, but too much to do. Feels like flu cough if I breathe too deep. Dry cough. Muscles feel weak & sore. Tummy abdomen) feels weak/unsettled/churning.Been for a poo once, looser than usual.Vaguely nauseous feeling, bit off food Eyes sore & back of head hurts (pressing)
005: Day 20: 21.00: Feeling really poorly & depressed like used to be 5/6 yrs ago.ME Sickly/nauseous feeling in abdomen. Food tastes bitter. Lack of appetite Sweating all over damp, esp base of hairline Shifting pains in muscles, buttocks, between shoulder blades & inside of top of calves. Feeling very weak. Feels like getting worse not better Niggling little cough Sporadic thick mucous at back of throat, clear & sometimes green (first thing in am)
005: Day 21: 08.00: I still feel awful. Chest is worse. Bringing small amounts of mucous up, but it is tight and tickly irritations back of bronchi. Outside of larynx feels itchy [OS] want to scratch but not better for it Really tired. Stomach/abdomen still upset. Aching lower back.
005: Day 21: 21.00: Been feeling awful all day. Low grade fever, no energy. Dull head pain, pressure all over, like full with a ball [NS].Wandering aches around body.Tenacious mucous from back of nose all down fauces.Feel as if would cough if breathe too deeply.Feels like virus infection No energy Food still tastes a little bitter.
EXPECTORATION
003: Day 0: 14.45: A lot of mucus down back of throat that I would normally associate with Dairy, but had not had any for 2 days. RS/ OS Started gagging, I thought I was going to be sick, very unlike me. Never happened before. NS It was ur..ur..dramatic, over the top.Sudden build up of mucus, loads of it, making me hawk.
005: Day 21: 08.00: I still feel awful. Chest is worse. Bringing small amounts of mucous up, but it is tight and tickly irritations back of bronchi. Outside of larynx feels itchy [OS] want to scratch but not better for it Really tired. Stomach/abdomen still upset. Aching lower back.
CHEST
005. Day 0: 16.45: Chest bit tight across.
005: Day 0: 20.20: Chest feeling a bit tight, more muscular OS than breathing.
0010: Day 0: 22.20: Stabbing pain under ‘R‘ rib NS
002: day 1: 10.10: On my way to work feel my Thymus gland working strongly
005: Day 1: 09.00: Chest hurting a bit ‘L‘ side, radiating from pulled muscle in back ‘OS’
008: Day 1: 20.00: Irritable cough < inspiration and eating, and I‘m bringing up salty tasting phlegm. I had this a bit the same time last night but didn‘t think to write it down as both kids have mild colds too at the moment. Wonder if it will come back tomorrow night, I didn‘t have any symptoms during the day at all.
001: Day 2: I feel a twinge in R side of chest NS
I am careful to think where is it, but after a while I realise that I am thinking chest not breast. I wonder where my breast is? Have I got one? Yes I have but I never thought about it, its like it was gone. The twinge was upper right breast.
003: Day 2: [ no time modalities given] Chest a little tight this am, more back of throat I think and a bit of a dry cough now and again NS
005: Day 2:17.00 I‘ve got my weird sensation in my chest ‘OS’ been hovering around this afternoon. A bit like someone is pressing on the centre of my chest and back and squeezing my heart. It‘s better when I breathe deeply.
005: Day 2: 23.00: My chest [heart] feels weird. Its not my lungs or breathing although I do want to sigh / take a deep breath. It‘s a bit like its wrapped in tight cloth and someone is pulling it.
003: Day 3: 20.00: Itchy skin around the ribs on the ‘L‘ side of the side. [NS]
005: Day 4: 11.30: Noticing a dull stabby pain in ‘L‘ chest just below clavicle. Can feel it up under left jaw too. Just twinging. [NS]
005: Day 5: 22.00: I‘ve also been getting this sensation in the heart region, like there is something there, a large heavy lump [NS] Deep breaths and sighing helps.
005: Day 6: 21.00 Afternoon was good, have noticed my chest / heart most of the afternoon [3-6] but it went off when I was busy, back again now I‘m sitting, feels like there is a ball or balloon inflated in there, up to my larynx. Weird, best description I can manage
009: Day 6:18.00: Tiny nipping in ‘L‘ breast close to nipple [NS]
003: Day 11: 13:00: Slight cough today - dry occasional not < or> for anything.ROS Chest feels a little bit tight like I‘ve had on other days during the proving. Transient.
002: Day 12: Time 9:00: feel chest constrictions, the astral-body struggles (Heracles - vest -syndrome) Supervisors note: chest pain, cramping feeling thru chest
002: Day 16: Time 08:20: Surrounded by a lot of difficult and pained unfolding Karma, my heart, my being is at peace with itself. Can barely believe that I am (in) the midst of a homeopathic healing-crisis at our school, where tempers got white hot over the last week... While I write this I suddenly get mild heart-pain. The lips of my mouth lie as sleeping in silent resolve.
HEART
009: Day 1: 11.55: Tingling heart NS Aware of L side heart gently pumping. NS
009: Day 2:15.50: ‘L‘ side head twinging / ‘R‘ side head twinging NS / AS
002: Day 6: 18.00: My heart muscle tone is better, tighter, bouncier, so are other body muscles. I feel my body firming up, firming up around me.
001: Day 9 Woke at daybreak with prickling sensation slightly cramping feeling in the heart.
BACK
006: Pre remedy: ‘S’: After meeting on Saturday, my neck got stiff [OS] but passed.
005: Day 2:11.50: Upper back and shoulders really sore after phone call.
004: Day 11: 14:15: Just been in the garden - there is so much to do. Have at least cut down all the buddleias ready for new growth. It was a very hard prune!
Think I pulled my back - damn!
004: Day 11: 22:00: In bed. Lulu with me- Eyes are +++ sore. Also hurt my neck earlier too - falling asleep on the sofa. Occipital pain -base of occiput - both sides. ++ tender to touch. Aah! Have got lots of sore spots - chin line L side - and also in hairline - at back of head. Feet don‘t feel painful/hot/itchy tonight.
005: Day 15: 21.00: I seem to wake up clear headed and now able to get started more quickly and focus. Had more energy today even though has a hard day yesterday decorating. My back hasn‘t bothered me recently and I had had a twinge in my left shoulder for about a month before the proving, which has now gone. I‘ve also noticed a return of a more positive attitude. In the last 3 months I‘ve been feeling older. No longer was I feeling I could do/learn/tackle anything. I felt limited. I now feel as though the limitations have been lifted again and I am accomplishing more. More drive and energy. More like I used to be before my Mum died (2 yrs ago).
005: Day 0: 14.30: Lower back aches.
005: Day 0: 18.10: Lower back aching
008 But my neck is improving very slowly, no other physical sx and no new ones either. RS
008 Neck is less painful, bit stiff and aware of stiffness in night, had to keep changing position. RS
008 neck was still all night. Couldn‘t easily get comfortable lying down (last 2 night especially) RS
008 But neck feels ‘crunchy’ today and not quite so good. RS
008 Neck pain is back - really bad RS
008 Neck seems to have improved gradually - pain has eased off
009: Day 0: 10.01: Worst of low back pain gone [slipped disc ongoing symptom]
009: Day 0: 10.17: Tingling in ‘L‘ buttock turning to pain, feels like it has ‘woken up‘.
009: Day 0: 10.35: Pain which moved to ‘R‘ side buttock eased off but still noticeable.
009: Day 0: 10.45: Pain returned moved ‘L‘ to ‘R‘ buttock [NS]
009: Day 0: 12.00: Day 0: Noon. Lower back ache dull [RS]
004:Day 1: 18:00: My feet have started to itch, burning hot and itchy. Started with a tiny hard lump in middle of ball of right foot. Can feel it when I stand on it, but not when I pressed it. Scratching is not pleasant, definitely not better scratching. It eases the itch but the scratching really hurts the foot. Also started to itch ++ between the toes. Have had to take socks off and put my feet on cold tiles.
005: Day 1: 06.50: Lower back was sore in bed ‘RS‘ little better now I‘m up
005: Day 1: 07.25: Back pain now ‘R‘ sided VERY unusual for me, location just below my waist, and is where I used to get pain from kidney infections, last one over 5yrs ago, dull ache radiating out ‘OS‘
005: Day 1: 08.10: Just pulled a muscle in my back making the bed, under ‘L‘ scapular, really hurts.
005: Day 1: 12.15pm: Back aching
005: Day 1: 16.33: Ribs hurting at the back both sides
007: Day 1: 13:06 Sensation of warmth and slight crampiness in l side back of neck, lasting approx 5 mins, [NS]
009: Day 1: 09.25: Back pain easing off, better because I‘m sitting down. Pain ‘L‘ side RS
005: Day 2: 06.50: Back and abdomen hurting, pressing / drawing pain.
009: Day 2: 06.00: Muscle pain in lower back felt smooth [NS] usually feels stiff, it felt like muscle rather than stiff back, it felt supple [NS]
005: Day 3:10.00 Bruised feeling in back.
009: Day 4: no time modalities: Spine / back feels better, smoother [NS]
009: Day 4: no time modalities: There is an ache there but not of back pain [lower spine]
008: Day 4: 09.00: Neck stiff all night, couldn‘t easily get comfortable lying down
005: Day 5: 07.00: Back lower only aching slightly.
005: Day 5: 12.30: Back v stiff and sore still.
005: Day 6: 10.30: Lower back hurting when woke > bending forward and stretching muscles.
005: Day 6: 10.50: The ‘R‘ side of my back is sore, higher up, around waist. Feels very tight and clenched. I feel really beaten up, want to lie down but it doesn‘t make my back feel better.
005: Day 6: 21.00 Lower back ‘R’ side niggily now I’ve sat down, wasn’t bothering me before, like someone is digging a knuckle into my back, right of spine just below waist.
Lower down than when I had kidney pain.
004: Day 0: 21.00: Itching skin on chest & now on the front of my neck, at first it was hot and itchy, but after scratching it has become cold. The skin now feels really smooth.
005: Day 0: 15.25: Neck feels very stiff.
005: Day 0: 18.10: Neck is stiff when I move it NS
006: Day 0: 14.00: a sharp pain up into my neck, left side.
008: Day 0: 12.30pm: Noticed my neck is feeling a bit better [OS on going problem for about a month] now.
009: Day 0: 10.22: Neck easier to move [NS] ‘cracking’ from top of neck but ‘good’ cracking, releasing, not stiff or stuck.[NS} [Spine less stiff, moving rotating neck around.
Head, ear, spine all working together.]
005: Day 1: 13.30: Neck stiff at back
006: Day 1:10am: Shiatsu treatment for neck and shoulders
007: Day 1: 13.06: Sensation of warmth and slight crampiness in ‘L’ side back of neck lasting aprox 5 mins NS
008: Day 1: 09.00: My neck is improving very slowly.
006: Day 2: Midday: Shoulder pain near to head, eased by tight scarf.
008: Day 3: 10.20 :Neck is less painful, bit stiff and aware of stiffness in night, had to keep changing position.
008: Day 4: 09.00: Neck stiff all night, couldn’t easily get comfortable lying down [last 2 nights esp] head feels compressed and squashed on the pillow as though my body weight is too much.[* also placed under sensations]
009: Day 4: no time modalities: Neck felt peculiar, feel smooth movement
006: Day 5:10.00: Neck and shoulders aching all day. Wore scarf again
007: Day 5: 13.05: Out walking the dog I realised my neck is feeling more comfortable I seem to have more movement when putting my head to my chest and there is less ‘crunchiness’ when I move my neck [CS?]
008: Day 5: No time mods: My neck is Better! [Nb whales have a fused cervical spine to give strength when diving!]
006: Day 6: 07.00: Only slight tension in neck. Scarf looser today
007: Day 6: no time mods: Feel my neck is a little more free today [I suffer from spondylosis of the cervical vertebrae] especially moving chin towards my chest. [? CS]
EXTREMITIES
006 Noticed ache ‘L‘ shoulder worse, becoming a sharp pain up into my neck, left side.
Shoulder pain near to head, eased by tight scarf
Neck and shoulders aching all day
Only slight tension in neck.
Head painful and felt very unsteady on feet, walking to loo and back. ( also under head section )
But neck was stiff.
Neck stiff but definitely much better than a few weeks ago.
neck stiff all day
Neck a bit stiff. Tight scarf today.
LIMBS
001: Day 0: 16.00: Started to get twinges around joints esp L knee and fingers. Flying around like RHUS TOX O/S
005: Day 0: 16.45: Very stiff joints. Joints all worse for being in the car. R side ankles, hip sockets, lower back, wrists and neck.
009: Day 0: 10.05: ‘L‘ leg ache eased
10.17: Tingling in ‘L‘ knee
009: Day 0: 12.00: Pain noticeable ‘R‘ hip, but wore off
0010: Day 0: 23.55: Simultaneous symptoms: woke itchy foot [mosquito bite] went to bend led and lift leg to scratch: excruciating cramp in inner ‘R‘ thigh near knee [NS] nothing eased it < lifting leg, > a bit stretching leg, crying out with pain took Mag Phos 6c > after 5 mins.
005: Day 1: 07.25: Hip joints feel very stiff and achy.
005: Day 1: 11.00: Still stiff and painful joints & lover back and hip joints
005: Day 1: 13.30: Thighs aching.
005: Day 2: 06.50: All limbs feel heavy and neck very stiff.
005: Day 20: 18.00: Very tired, limbs weak. Want to go to bed, but too much to do. Feels like flu cough if I breathe too deep. Dry cough. Muscles feel weak & sore. Tummy (abdomen) feels weak/unsettled/churning.Been for a poo once, looser than usual. Vaguely nauseous feeling, bit off food Eyes sore & back of head hurts (pressing)
UPPER LIMBS
002: Day O: 18.00: Bluish hands
003: Day 0: 20.00: Itchy L arm, lower part from the wrist, thumb side towards elbow. Found myself scratching it, went very red, a little heat in it. Lasted a few seconds
005: Day 1: 12.15pm: Knuckles feel stiff and sore. ‘OS’
010: Day 1: 07.00: V itchy L palm and sensation of heat NS
009: Day2:10.00: Little red raised spots appeared on ‘L‘ arm. They came and went, lasting a few moments, between wrist and elbow. They itch and stop itching when they arrive [NS]
009: Day 3:08.11: Slight ache ‘R‘ arm ended at thumb NS
005: Day 4: 17.00: I bashed my elbow 2 weeks ago, Right funny bone, it just started bothering me again, aching where I hit it.
009: Day 5: no time mods: ‘L‘ hand, water blisters. [NS]
001: Day 6: 14.00: Severe pain in waves in ‘R‘ arm upper to elbow. Worse putting arm overhead. About every 5 seconds lasting a couple of seconds. [NS] I liken it to the stomach pain with it I feel overwhelmingly tired [conc] I want to rub it bot not better [NS] I don‘t think I have had t before but maybe this morning a bit, but now very bad, it started during lunch at 13.00ish. This pain isolates me.
010: Day 6: 20.00: Momentary stiffness in my ‘R‘ hand, as iff all fingers locked [OS]
003: Day 10: no time: Left wrist very itchy but nothing to see. Quite red after scratching. Did not last long. Better for scratching. NS
001:Day 10 Burning top of right foot pleasant
001:Day 12 00.00 bad night leg hurting knee
001:Day 14 19.00 My left knee is hurting a lot (RS) not showing any signs of healing took rhus tox for it. <LYING DOWN AT NIGHT > IN DAY <PRESSURE
001: Day 15 19.00 Left knee hurting a bit (ongoing sx)
001: Day 16 06:00 I got up after bad sleep to make a hot water bottle. In the hours before dawn I was getting a lot of leg symptoms. The Left knee was hurting better when stretched out, worse bent. I thought the other knee was starting up as well NS and had the imagination that I was like a head planted in the ground with he sap rushing through my branches (legs).
001 day 17 1900 Knee not hurting feel as if that‘s been a shift with the (cant read next word)
-not sure what it is Could it be to do with the equinox?
003: Day 20: 08:00 - 09:00: NS V itchy palms and fingers on the palm side like a reaction to something I‘d touched.
003: Day 21: no time: NS Forearms itching.
003: Day 22: 09:00: Itchy palm right hand.
SHOULDERS
005: Day 0: 14.30: Shoulder blades stiff as if been working out.
005: Day 0: 20.20: L shoulder hurting, tight muscle RS
006: Day 0: 14.45: Noticed ache ‘L‘ shoulder worse, becoming a sharp pain up into my neck, left side.
0010: Day 0: Stabbing pain under R shoulder blade NS
009: Day 1: 11.55: Tingling L shoulder NS
005: Day 2:11.50: Upper back and shoulders really sore after phone call.
005: Day 15: 21.00: I seem to wake up clear headed and now able to get started more quickly and focus. Had more energy today even though has a hard day yesterday decorating. My back hasn‘t bothered me recently and I had had a twinge in my left shoulder for about a month before the proving, which has now gone. I‘ve also noticed a return of a more positive attitude. In the last 3 months I‘ve been feeling older. No longer was I feeling I could do/learn/tackle anything. I felt limited. I now feel as though the limitations have been lifted again and I am accomplishing more. More drive and energy. More like I used to be before my Mum died (2 yrs ago). [CS]
005: Day 18: 22.00: Left shoulder limiting again - like before proving. Feel awful. Fluish. No energy (No joint pain or muscle ache).Food/wine no taste other than when blow nose then can get flavours of food - like stop n grow [NS]
LOWER LIMBS
005: Day 0:10.00am:? time following first dose : very tired after dog walk and top of L foot very painful.
005: Day 0: 14.30: Knees aching
005: Day 0: 15.10: Pain down front L shin Top L foot worse now
005: Day 0: 17.25: My foot is really hurting now, feels like someone stamped on it OS
005.Day 0: 18.10: L ankle and top of foot is now very painful like its been stamped on.
009: Day 0: 10.05: ‘L‘ leg ache eased
10.17: Tingling in ‘L‘ knee
009: Day 0: 12.00: Pain noticeable ‘R‘ hip, but wore off
009: Day 0: 10.05: Tingling feeling in ‘L‘ buttock where the pain was
004: Day 1: 18.00: My feet have started to itch, burning hot & itchy. Started with a
tiny hard lump in the middle of ball of ‘R‘ foot. Can feel it when I stand on it, but not when I pressed it. Scratching is not pleasant, defiantly not > scratching! It eases the itch but the scratching really hurt‘s‘ foot also started to itch + + itching between toes. Have had to take socks off and put m feet in cold tiles
005: Day 1: 06.50: Ankle a little less painful this am.
005: Day 1: 12.55pm: ‘ L‘ ankle now aching all around, just under ankle bone [not just top
007: Day 1: 16.25: Severe twinge, but momentary, on inner part of ‘R‘ knee on standing up.NS
008: Day 1: 09.00: My numb toe has got worse again RS it had been better for 2 weeks so I am not pleased about that.
009: Day 1: 11.00: L knee hurts, tingling ache NS R knee hurts, tingling ache NS AS
009: Day 1: 11.50: ‘ R‘ side toes sore pain, prickly & sore underneath foot, moved to L side
AS /NS [this sy reminds me of when I was @ 10yrs had cut underneath foot]
001: Day 2: Midnight + Twinge in heel of L foot, lasted maybe 30 seconds NS
004: Day 2: 20.30: Still + + + cold but soles of feet are hot and burning again. No itchiness
but they feel like they have been sunburnt, sort of swollen, dry and burning.
005: Day 2: 06.50: L ankle feeling better, top of foot still a bit sore [still feels bruised]
007:Day 2: 16.05: Felt twinge inner part R knee on going downstairs [NS] Also felt in R knee on rising from sitting position [NS]
007:Day 2: 16.25: Severe twinge in L knee when I stood up from chair [NS]
010: Day 2: after midnight: Lots of cramps in calf ‘R‘ but also a bit in ‘L‘ calf so bed I had to take Mag phos 6c 3 doses. Pressure eased it a little.
010: Day 2: 02.00: Cramp ‘L‘ calf not as bad.
010: Day 2: 20.00: A wart that I have had for years totally disintegrated as I scratched my leg. Under ‘R‘ knee on calf, it is actually still there but much smaller now.
004: Day 3: 06.30: ‘ L‘ foot, there is definitely an itchy vesicle on the underside of my second toe. Just like I‘ve often gotten on my ‘R‘ toe but never before on my ‘L‘ [NS]
004: Day 3: 06.30: Yesterday during the day my feet felt quite normal but this morning they still feel dry and hot.
007: Day 3: 05.43: Twinge inner part of ‘L‘ knee on flexing to get out of bed. [NS]
007: Day 3: 07.37: Aware of twinge again in ‘L‘ knee getting out of bed.
007: Day 3: 08.16: Twinge in ‘L‘ knee again getting out of bed; the action of lifting it upwards while bent. [NS]
007: Day 3: 08.29: Lifting ‘L‘ knee to put sock on really hurt; again the action of lifting bent knee upwards. Momentary shooting pain inwards from inside of knee. [NS]
008: Day 3: 10.20: Toe / foot still numb.
008: Day 4: 09.00: Numb toe annoying me.
009: Day 4: 02.00: Woke with cramp in toes, V painful ‘L‘ side didn’t last long but I couldn‘t move till it had passed. It‘s bizarre but it felt like it was loosening up sciatica side? [NS]
010: Day 4: 09.00: On first waking feet tender, as if walking on pebbles lasted 5 mins [RS]
010: Day 4: no time: No change in patch of eczema on Left leg [RS]
005: Day 5: 10.00: Cramps in back of thighs just under buttocks when standing for 10mins, back lower, v stiff and sore.
005: Day 5: 12.30: Noticing cramps down front of thighs, slightly lower down, mid thigh, just above knees.
005: Day 5: 14.00 Went for a walk with dog, R knee‘s been twinging for last couple of hours, inside patella, on inner side of knee at edge, under patella.
009: Day 5: no time mods: ‘R‘ ankle itching like mad, scratching helped then it got sore. [OS]
004: Day 6: 14.00 My feet still feel hot and burning and a bit itchy last night, but that does seem to be improving generally.
004: Day 6: 15.00: My legs hurt < when sitting. Again this could be my symptom anyway, but it is quite marked this afternoon. Even when lying down its no better. Pain is particularly bad in joints, hips, knees and ankles, with aching in muscles.
004: Day 6: 19.30: Aargh! My feet are dry and burning and swollen feeling and sore again.
009: Day 6: 05.00: Woke 5am. Twinges, shooting pains ‘L‘ side hip [RS] lasting moments, feel better changing position.
002S: Day 8: 3 glasses of wine. My body hates it = pins and needles under my feet.
003: Day 8: Left hip playing me up a bit in the gym this morning not felt it for a while. Sharp pains transient didn‘t last after I had stopped jumping around! ROS
003: Day 9: no time: I‘ve been feeling my thighs seem fatter at the top. NS
005: Day 10: 15.00: Had a twinge under right patella about 10.00am, lasted about half an hour. Pain like a dull needle pain ie not as bad as a needle, but that type of pain, sharp, localised.Left heel bone hurting like a bruise/growing pain, constant not pulsating/throbbing [NS]
001:day 9 10.30am a pain in left knee joint not yet gone where banged it against table comes on when lie down at night better by day undermines my confidence.
20.00: on way to party joints hurting (RS)
001:Day 10 Burning top of right foot pleasant
001:Day 12 00.00 bad night leg hurting knee
002: Day 13: Supervisors notes so not strictly admissible:
3 glasses of wine last night...pins & needles in feet soles
001:Day 14 19.00 My left knee is hurting a lot (RS) not showing any signs of healing took rhus tox for it. <LYING DOWN AT NIGHT > IN DAY <PRESSURE
001: Day 15 19.00 Left knee hurting a bit (ongoing sx)
001:Day 18 Woke up annoyed couldn‘t recall dreams. A very bad night couldn‘t get to sleep. Pain at base of right little toe stabbing (NS).
002: Day 18: Time ?:00: Physically quite fit; but pins and needles in my feet increased.
001:Day 19 Legs very painful again woke me up left one. Painful aching in both legs sensation as if blood itself is aching
002: Day 20: Time 08:00: Pins and needles in the feet in the morning on waking, in the big toe‘s pressure.
002: Day 20: Supervisor‘s notes: Extra information : Pressing pain in feet alternating with kidneys. I take too much out of physical body
001:Day 23 Knee injury hurting. Had to raise legs up against the wall to feel better.
001:day 27 12.30 Aching soles ankles and legs RS
001:day 28 Lots of pain in left leg only, pain moving around. Seemed to be superficial (skin) but not sure. Could be muscular. Aching Better if I lay on stomach.
SLEEP
Good sleep last night.
Good sleep, no head pain
Woke, best sleep for ages, slept from 11pm. Didn‘t even get up for the toilet during the night.
Slept well.
Head bad in night. Woke 3 a.m with it.
Woke after good sleep.
woke after disturbed night
Had slept OK. Up twice but back to sleep after toilet.
Poor sleep with headache and wakefulness from 3 a.m .
I was in the panic state when I woke up. Heart was pounding.
005: Day 0: 16.45: Really don‘t want to do anything but go to sleep
0010: Day 0: 15.00: Desire to sleep + +
002: Day 1: 9.30. Best nights sleep in many months
004: Day 1: 08.00: Slept well for me! Woke 3 times but was able to go back to sleep without any problem.
010: Day 1: 06.30: Alarm: slept well, woke feeling quite good.
001: Day 2: Midnight +: I can‘t sleep thinking about new venture.
004: Day 2: AM : Sleep: Didn‘t sleep as well as last night, felt anxious.
004: Day 4: 09.00: Didn‘t sleep very well, been awake since 4am, unable to go back to sleep.
005: Day 4: 07.00: Didn‘t dream! Good nights sleep. Didn‘t get up to wee, normal thirst, no dry mouth.
006: Day 4: no time modalities Good seep last night.
007: Day 4: 08.08: Wake and don‘t recall any dreams.
005: Day 5: 07.00: Good nights sleep. Didn‘t get up to wee, but woke up in the middle of the night, didn‘t know why then realised I was having a hot flush, very short and not as intense. Dry heat, mainly body.
006: Day 5: Good sleep, no head pain.
007: Day 5: 06.50: Wake feeling ok. Had woken once in night to go to loo but went straight back to sleep. Don‘t recall any dreams.
002: Day 6: 08.00: Woken from deep sleep, still tired but motivated to move.
006: Day 6: 07.00: Woke, best sleep for ages, slept from 11pm. Didn‘t even get up for the toilet during the night.
001:Day 10 General observations sleep much improved. Not waking at night as usually would normally much more restless.
004: Day 11: 07:00: Been up for half an hour but haven't slept properly since 1.30am. Feeling ++ tired. Also had headache since 1.30
004: Day 11: 06:00 Terrible night! Went to bed late because I was working on a piece for my website till 11pm - felt very stressed about it. Lulu started coughing at 11.30 and it just got worse -eventually went back to sleep at 3.30 pm - woke up again at 5.20 pm - some not a lot of sleep then! Although we were both very tired it was lovely spending time with Lulu on her own - she was even more affectionate than usual. I told her stories of when she was " still in my tummy" - this really calmed her down - much more than the remedies I had given her!
004: Day 11: 12.00: Feeling totally exhausted - sense of nothing being real. Keeping on going though - feel really strong need to keep pushing myself physically.
001: day 14 Saliva problem is better a bit but still on and worse in the car.
002: Day 15: Time 09:30 Good sleep.
005: Day 15: 21.00: I seem to wake up clear headed and now able to get started more quickly and focus. Had more energy today even though has a hard day yesterday decorating. My back hasn‘t bothered me recently and I had had a twinge in my left shoulder for about a month before the proving, which has now gone. I‘ve also noticed a return of a more positive attitude. In the last 3 months I‘ve been feeling older. No longer was I feeling I could do/learn/tackle anything. I felt limited. I now feel as though the limitations have been lifted again and I am accomplishing more. More drive and energy. More like I used to be before my Mum died (2 yrs ago).
002: Day 23: Time 08:00 I slept well despite the fact that the situation at school not become easier for me, as a grievance of defamation is brought against. I Feel less tired, more physiologically alive
002: Day 24: Time 05:30 go downstairs to sleep in the neutrality of the living-room, and find some peace and balance.
DREAMS
During the night prior to taking remedy I dreamed that my sister had met a Homoeopath who was making an essence from whale-song - I could hear the whales singing in my dream - felt very happy about it, as though it would change our lives and our relationship to each other. Good dream, seemed very significant.
Dreamed last night that I invited some friends to come to the beach with me and play in the waves. They didn‘t want to come, were afraid of getting sunburned, but I laughed at them and went myself anyway.
Also dreamed I had landed a new fella (!) who was really good looking, very rich with a secretary! We were going off on a date and I told him he must change his jacket because it had old lipstick stains on which were not the same shade as my lipstick! Didn‘t feel jealous, just very confident and quite powerful.
Later dreamed my hair was very long and I was dyeing it a gorgeous shade of deep red
001: Day 0: 12.15pm : Pt phoned to tell me about her dream about a men in a grey suit in a wheelchair.
001: Day 1: 10.00: My aunt deceased had had a baby and was sitting it at a table feeding it; I only saw the back of the baby.
001: Day 1: 10.00: Going on a train somewhere but an old-fashioned ‘railroad’ western type train. We went one way then returned. An old friend was with me, something was wrong with one of her legs. There were no other people around. Felt disquiet.
002: Day 1: 9.30 my dreaming took me to the north of Scandinavia, the mid-night sun land. I am deeply permeated by calm, beautiful serene scenery, the hospitality, the good company, the mood of expansion and relaxation.
003: Day 1 : Vivid dreams last night like I often do.
Dream: One big dream that I remember about a wedding. I was marrying my husband. It as a big affair in a big building, lots of people making preparations for it. Very happy, not stressful. Lovely white wedding dress to put on though I didn‘t wasn‘t the right time. Loads of people there, beautifully dressed and folk I wouldn‘t usually invite but I was very pleased to see them, they had made a big effort to look so nice. Didn‘t actually have the ceremony. There was an orchestra there too setting up.
I was concerned, not overly, about having enough eggs, found loads on a farm. Lots of them had double yellow yolks I could tell from the shape of there bulging shells.
Two words popped up during the dream: PNEUMONIA and DIABETES
005: Day 1: 06.50: Being on holiday with my cousin, eating a mushroom that I thought was OK then remembered it was poisonous, the managed to hawk some up and wondered how much I‘d actually swallowed and how dangerous it was going to be. Then looking for someone in the middle of the countryside. Found someone who knew about mushrooms, but then dream changed and had to rush to get to the airport. I told my cousin to go on and I‘d meet her there when I had finished talking to the woman about mushrooms. Then I had a rushed drive to the airport, going the wrong way, the peddles of the car seemed out of reach and I ended up trying to drive from the back seat of the car at one point. Got to the airport on time and realised I‘d left my clothes at hotel so had to drive back twice and pack.
Remembered picking up a large and beautiful chocolate from reception on the way in, soft orange centre and dark chocolate that snapped when I bit into it, vivid sensation and taste [I have never had taste in a dream before] of the chocolate when I bit it was beautiful, best I‘d ever had!
Had to climb over reception desk as I got there to get into hotel. Reception clerk was playing chess with another waiter and offered me a coffee as I went past. Managed to get everything in my case and was doing ok when woken by husband gently dressing. Didn‘t feel worried, just a nice interesting dream but it felt rushed and chaotic
Dream: About my eldest son:
Son came home and I didn‘t have the clothes I told myself I‘d buy him for his birthday, usual selection of brand names, 2 tracky bottoms and 2 tops. Not having enough time to buy them before his coming to the house. I told him he couldn‘t stay at the house and would have to go, to leave. Before he turned up [in dream] I felt apprehensive and oppressed. When son cane into dream he came too close up, oppressive feeling about space, felt claustrophobic.
[Son makes me feel trapped because of all his endless problems, demanding.Dream: There is John Morgan from Helios on a platform, he addresses the audience. Then he turns his back to them and faces a computer, chooses file and from drop down menu clicks on C for cancer. I am irritated by the fact he is not facing us.
Dream: Then I am in a dressing room. Kylie Minogue is getting ready to perform, I notice her short but well-groomed shiny hairstyle and I think; ‘well she seems ok after the cancer scare and her hair looks really healthy and nice‘. She has a purple leotard costume
Dream: I am in a hotel room somewhere, hot, abroad. I wake up and can look directly onto a beach. There is nobody on the beach, I can hear the waves. The sand is red, the rocks are red. Sunny. Then I notice a waste pipe spewing onto the beach in a little gully, which goes into the sea. That‘s why nobody is on the beach. I wonder if I have made the right choice to be here in this hotel. Suddenly a big wave rises up and crashes in a picturesque way against the rock. ‘At least there is that‘ I say to myself, maybe it will be ok to stay here.
Dream: Sit in the audience in a gym while an acrobat begins to move sideways, facing us all. He jumps slowly, becoming stronger and span longer, the toe on either of his feet leading the way to right or left, until his momentum is so strong that he doesn‘t touch the ground anymore but pushes himself off from the walls, bouncing between both walls in ever higher arcs. Then freely anywhere across the gym. When asked about his ‘? Unable to read word’ life, his preparation, he says from his bearded and long haired, dark haired face: I read the bible rhythmically and continuously, 10,000 times. While I watch him perform I realise that he is doing what I only dream about and get desperate to try it myself and am happy to modestly succeed in actually doing it well. He seems to be part of a troupe of performers who are deeply intimate with each other, men only I think, who perform from the bible, knowing the whole book by heart, speaking about their ‘see changes‘. Their faces are full of character-lines and they seem well accustomed to sleeping rough, anywhere. They are no mortgage paying ‘ another word I cannot read’
Dream: Then I dream of being in a powerfully ‘performing’ garden. Recall a yet young beech hedge planted in a triangle shape. Recall very tactile feeling of things growing. The garden is busy with people. It is a worldly garden.
003: Day 2: Dreams, busy, vivid with lots of different aspects and locations. I will try to make it comprehensive.
Dream: I was looking after a baby, it was a big baby 3+ months and naked. It was screaming and struggling like it was in pain or just cross. Couldn‘t get it to settle at all. I was OK with it just getting tired from the physical effort of holding it [not sure which sex] The baby then turned into a student [young woman] not sure what she was studying but I was helping her and she was getting frustrated and cross because she did not understand she was ‘out of sorts‘. Then 2 young men came along, attractive young men and then she was absolutely fine as if it was all great. I felt a bit exasperated by this as I had been trying to help her and feeling for her then she was fine.
Dream: I was in a big building sitting on what looked like church benches and heavy wooden framed windows trying to see a tennis match but realising it was hopeless you couldn‘t see a thing through the frames and glass. I turned around and was in a cathedral type place. Quite light loads of people all facing away from me towards the altar. There was a friend of my daughters pointing to indicate she had seen us. It was good to see her there, she was dressed in ecclesiastical clothes helping out on the altar.
Dream: Was in a big room with loads of people milling around. Then there were a few people, homoeopaths, there. I had a sudden violent pain in the top of my head then it felt like a great weight was pressing down. Then it felt like it was in my forehead, one of the homoeopaths was telling me to rub it or go with it and it would be fine. I was sitting behind someone like I was in a car, had to get out. Another homoeopath asked for a quiet word away from the others but when she told me whatever it was I couldn‘t understand why she hadn‘t wanted the others to hear it. Later on she asked if she could have a ‘secret‘ word with me by the school gates. I tried to meet her but kept getting waylaid by people talking to me. I saw her moving away from the gates tried to shout her but knew she wouldn‘t hear me [she has a hearing problem] Later someone told me ‘that young woman has had her foot taken off‘ something was wrong with it, not sure what ? fungal.
Someone gave me a cup of tea I didn‘t like it, it was strong [I don‘t drink tea] There was another physical symptom in the dream but can‘t remember.
Dream: About one of my sisters [not the one from before the proving]. It was all pretty negative and nasty, I can‘t remember the details but I knew I felt bad.
005: Day 2: 06.50: Dream: Weird dreams again. I was on holiday in Italy [I feel like I was in Italy last night too.] In narrow streets. I was outside listening to 3 men arguing, in my pyjamas and felt very ill. The people I was with introduced me to kind man who helped me back to my hotel. Once again they left me to do something else. Felt cold. Also dreamt about the colour green being important.
010: Day 2: 06.30: Dream: I was putting on white wedding dress and going to travel [a long way] to my wedding. Everyone around me was excited, I was sad. Sense of disappointment again, knowing that it wouldn‘t actually happen.
Dream: Unremembered, but think emotion was frustration.
Dream: Emotions in the dream; disappointment and insulted. At a market, someone giving away prize because? I can‘t remember, for a very insignificant reason. I argued until he threw a towel at me very poor quality small and dark brown, felt insulted. Also a garden fete, virtually no one else came, lots of stalls etc but no one there, me disappointed. There‘s a soccer match, a group of supporters, the team I thought should get to the final wasn‘t. Was in match for 3rd and 4th place felt unfair.
001: Day 3: 00.00+ Dream: I am in Scotland. There are 2 forks of a street, I am sure where I want to go, it is the right fork but when I am taking it, it seems wrong after al. I ask in a house/shop, blue carpet, dirty and stained. The woman in a dirty apron tells me to go to the other street. I wonder where all the people are. In her window are a few baked loaves of bread and cakes in their tins. She says the boy selling lollypops is taking all her trade. I go out into another house. There is a rectangular box with an opening where flies are going in [houseflies].
004: Day 3: 06.30: Dreamt a lot last night again which made me feel anxious.
Dream: About Snowdrops
Dream: About robbers being chased by mounted police, there was lots of aggression I it. Dream: Lots of grey matter came out of ‘R‘ ear.
005: Day 3:10.00: Dream: On holiday again! At some Roman Baths. Trying to find somewhere to put clothes to go for a swim with kids. Argued with kids where to sit. Everyone was packing up to go and taking their sun longers away. We were running out of time and also the sun was disappearing. [editors note * sun disappearing] Tried to go around another pool and the kids jumped over some water, I couldn‘t get across and when I went in another direction I got stuck and ended up high over the pool on some loose stones and had to scream for help. Was frightened of falling.[editors note* fear falling? Icarus myth Roman baths] In the end someone had laid some mattresses out on the floor and I fell onto those. Felt upset and on edge throughout the whole dream. Also remember thinking the water is too cold to swim in, we need to go home. Which is how I felt much of day‘s 0 & 1 after taking the remedy: Too cold and wanted to be at home.
007: Day 3: 07.37: Dream: Woke and had been dreaming. Felt strongly that I had two dreams but I could not recall the first.I was in what seemed like a supermarket cafe but not one I recognised. Several people around but only one I recognised, a man from my dogwalking group. He asked me to get something from the counter and gave me money and 3 used butter papers. As I turned from the counter with a cup of tea I came face to face with what looked like my maternal grandfather but I realised was my maternal grandmother as she looked towards the end of her life; pale and elderly. We hugged a long time. I was crying, overwhelmed, as it was so unexpected. It felt as if the meeting had been set up by others. The dream moved to a different environment [not really recognised but some sense of familiarity made me think it could have been my grandparents house] There were defiantly bedrooms and my mother wanted to go to sleep. I was concerned about my grandparents, that we should be looking after them. My mother assured me that someone was with them. I don‘t recall anything else, but awoke feeling sad.
001: Day 4: 00.00+Dream: Large spider, bigger than a person against the window. Black, exactly the same spider I saw before the proving on the wall, flying off with a screwdriver. I called people to come and look and when they did the head of the spider unzipped and out came a child [about 10yrs old] and I felt glad it wasn‘t real but humiliated / cheated as I had told the others it was a spider.
Dream: Dream intensity as during some of the previous nights.
Filled with my few belongings, clothes, literary equipment, now abandoned house. Happy. Then a tsunami comes. There are suddenly other people as well. We all try to cling to strong trees who we hope help us withstand and break the sheer power of the rushing wave. Most trees snap, left right and centre, people are swept away. I cling, watching many dangers giving me a close shave. When it is over I am alone and mourn the loss of all my belongings especially all my manuscripts. The distress turns to big joy when ‘someone’ had obviously rescued all my belongings, esp my manuscripts, they had put it somewhere else, very neatly, very securely and I found it again. All was in the same or another un-lived in house, windows wide open, damaged, roof damaged but there was a painter who like William Blake painted the sheer splendour of creation on the walls as big murals. One happy person was watching, don‘t know whether I was painting or watching.
Dream: Old style sports car in my garage which I had forgotten about but got very enthusiastic about fixing it up again. Some visitors came to the house, women and men. On leaving for somewhere with us [my wife and daughter] I took a ride with them in my pyjamas up the field road to say goodbye and walk back, but I remember my joy when the man let‘s on that he can see ‘frequencies‘ between people as well.
010: Day 4: Dream: Again someone dressed in white, not me this time, there had been a car accident [I think] we need to cover it up. Had to move from A - B, again a sense of disappointment.
010: Day 4: Dream: I needed to bleach my white blouse.
010: Day 4: Dream: Trying to find my way along a fence, couldn‘t. A man at a garage was trying to sell coils, these would, he pretended, get me through the fence. [it was a con]
010: Day 4: Dream: Lots of planes had to land, one plane had a person to be delivered to a safe house, I couldn‘t see who it was, I had to look after an ornate piece of wood for that person.
010: Day 4: Dream: Wearing a white dressing gown in cafё, met friends who were embarrassed by me, so I didn‘t really talk to them. Throughout dream, frustration and sense of not being able to connect, find my way.
010: Day 4: Dream: They were brain washing everyone, I was trying to stop people getting brain washed, me and 2 others managed to pretend and get away, feeling sadness and lack of connection, couldn‘t really talk to anyone, one man was walking away from me and I asked for a kiss. The alarm woke me but I felt I wasn‘t going to get one [a kiss] sense on loneliness.
001: Day 5: Dream: Someone gave me a present, a bay horse. I was riding it without a saddle. I could talk to it and communicate with it somehow.
001: Day 5: Dream: Someone showing me a set of threads, needles and cottons in a box made a long time ago [1930‘s] which was found in a wooden shaft in a house, I was marvelling at the craftsmanship.
002: Day 5: 08.20: Dream: Dream and reality. Continuing my evening meeting with JC in my dream, where astral dynamics, bodily satisfaction, power mapping featured [in my favour]
002: Day 5:Dream: Then dreamed of a death in my birth town, Monschau, where a beautiful, spacious apartment by the river in the old town was after market. A 45yr old woman had left, one of 3 sisters, furniture as in grand mothers former flat. Death course as in our neighbours cancerous situation, blockage in the oesophagus. [ My g‘mother who is 98 as bought to hospital with pneumonia the other day]
005: Day 5: 07.00: DREAM: Outside England! In street and there were big blobs of mercury floating in the air, like it was in space.
001: Day 6: 00.00: Dream: An old boyfriend is sitting opposite me at a table with many other guests. He has no trousers on white Y fronts. Nobody is bothered.
001: Day 6: 00.00: Dream: We are in a car looking for a white blouse in m over packed suitcase for someone to borrow. I cannot find the padlock, meanwhile the traffic warden nicks the car. I try and explain about the blouse which I eventually find squashed. I am trying to clean the suit of a man whilst he is cleaning it. Meanwhile a high powered jet flies overhead. Everyone says ‘why do you bother with him’.
005: Day 6: 10.30: Had a short weird dream; something about being at a dance, but it wasn‘t nice, started off I was with a group of people waiting, confined somewhere. Then we had to come and learn a dance, very frustrating and worrying. Felt a lot of pressure on me to learn it. Then the dance we were learning changed and became an audition, more pressure. [Strange as I‘m a good dancer, love it.] At one point we were confined and it felt like a cage, almost like a P.O.W camp.
010: Day 6: no times: Dreams: Catching planes / missing planes / waiting for planes. Having to pat huge sums for plane tickets. Having to fly on my own.
Dreams about frustration, things not working out easily, lonely, just like missing everything, including people.
002: Day 8: 07:30: My dreaming reflects my newly found confidence. While walking in the centre of an old market town (like Maastricht) an acapello choir sang —I AM” polyphony. I walked past them, knowing they were singing me.
002S: Day 8: Dreamt of funeral of beloved neighbour who has powerful cancer all over his body - even that was a positive dream.
003: Day 8: no time: Dream. Busy night lots of different aspects to the dream, can‘t remember everything.
Was at a school leaving dinner, think it was daughter‘s. I was doing the drinks. Asked for orange juice and hot water She put loads of ice in my drink and hot water. Remember thinking I had better take the ice out of the hot water as it would cool it down too much. Then I was moving house. I had a patient coming at 4:30 pm to my old house but it was now 6pm I had got distracted by an interesting man at the other house, we were discussing homeopathy and he wanted an appointment. I was mortified when I realised the time and had missed the other chaps appt. There was lots of homeopathy in the dream but can‘t remember detail.
It struck me this morning that orange and orange juice are a feature (of remedy). I am eating about 2 a day when I would have had one at most.
005: Day 9: 07.25: Dream: brief this morning. Driving down an English country lane - no foreign travel! I think all my dreams have been in the last part of the morning, just before getting up.
001: Day 9 Dreams again of traffic warden. This time because I was driving a large lorry which the brake had come off. But as I was in the passenger seat I had no control, but managed to get it to a halt in the middle of the road. Traffic warden lurking in another part several children wanted a bath and I was preparing a bath for them. One child just had a head but grew legs.
ALSO DREAMT OF FROGS AND FROG SPAWN SOMEHOW i WAS NOT AT HOME AGAIN.
002: Day 10: 09:00: ........Forgotten the night’s dreams
001: Day 10 Dreams There is something going on on a stage. I want to interfere and change it slightly. Make it more humorous but they do no want it. Later a woman offeres me a special water from France. I say there are so many waters on the market I try it and it is very refreshing. I has been through a special processing.
I am dping some art on the floor We are being videoed and later I see the video played on a wall, and I think I never knew that was happening.
Still not at home. All the worlds a stage.
My brothers daughter in the dream, she was 8 but must be 16/17 now
The stage is in a large building 8 stories. They are acting out ‘life’ (but rehearsing no audience yet).
I am painting a picture with some others who are also painting. The painting has something to do with Karma. The tutor is taken with my picture and invites me to come and look at a book on the subject. We go into a labyrinth of rooms where the books are all old and udsty. He is trying to find the right book- doesn’t find it. Somehow I walk from that place up the street and pass a 2nd hand clothes shop which is closing. I am sorry to be late to have a look. On the way back I pass a tortoise and pick it up as it may get squashed or not get where it wants or find the food it wants. But it is not pleased to be picked up and tries to bite me. I persist in taking it to a better place, trying to avoid its claws and mouth. It doesn’t know what i have in mind for it. It is not an English tortoise somehow it is fatter and redder. Like a big terrapin.
002: Day 11: Time?:00: Dreamt of being charged at by a sleeping (first I thought it dead) black boar at the edge of a beautiful village. Woke up from the charging, couldn’t (out) manoevre and easily integrate the charger and continue to dream...
001:Day 12 dreams Speed boat I was not on it gladly then off to holiday. A cupboard full of different espadulles? There was a lot about what to wear. What shoes I had on. Then a white circle. A different energy dominating everything (the tablet) Woke up not so good. Ok now Ive got up. I am sure there is another animal in it.
002: Day 12 Dreamt of a wild, beautiful stretch of nature which civilized behaviour by and by, spoiled, divided, poisoned and made treacherous. (It was a) contracting dream (all 6 walls closing in).
005: Day 12: 8.00: Dream: Being on holiday with Ian Botham! Think it was Cornwall but might have been France. Then changed to definitely being in a French hotel with Rod Stewart! Bit hard to wake up, but fine once up. Clear headed.
001: day 13 Dream 00.00 a panel of people from work sitting in judgement on my being late and how late. Apologetic
- 23.03 Found an item whilst surfing Prince Charles will name a baby tortoise William. On the video from Galapagos it was wriggling about just like in my dream yesterday or so.
002: Day 13: Supervisors notes so not strictly admissible:
Dream of unspoiled, neglected garden got more and more cultivated, inhabited and dangerous, beauty all gone. Dream of restriction and contraction.
001: Day 14 Dream 00.00 Dream of my husband naked in various metal baths or containers drawing himself. The sketchbook which he held himself was both mirror and sketch book. He is very determined on sketching vigourously and I dare not interfere but I notice he has a large red penis like a horses lying on his leg and I am puzzled by it. Dream also of packed together fish like landed from fishing and our gold fish and fucks not eating them because they are a different species and the west side of England was revised I mean Whitby turned up on the Westside and I saw the west side of England mapped out in squares and it was all xplained to me by a farmer type chap. I felt uneasy at the reversal of Whitby.
005: Day 14: 07.30: Dream: Weird, in space! Someone, possibly evil human/humanoid alien was trying to listen to my life and other peoples. Felt really anxious and frightened, it would be very dangerous if they could detect what I was saying/doing. They had put minute rods of copper or aluminium/metal as small as iron filings, but perfect little rods, as listening tracking devices. Magnetic. Found them in peoples‘ ears, pockets, bags in little groups/clusters. Kept trying to get rid of them and kept finding more
002: Day 16: Time 08:00: Dreams Flew with small, quick air-craft over my home-village on a sunny day, next to me a 10 year old boy I know from my school. Point out to him the —house I was born in” (the cradle); the house had a wind-damaged roof over the barn-part, a beautiful blue front-door and filled my heart with love.
Other dream: was with an old school-pal, Christof, whose father, an architect had taken me —in”, when, I don’t remember why, I was accused of I don’t know what. I was naked amongst many people in their industrious, business-driven place (big, new kiln-rooms for clay-pot making were under construction) and tried to fly away and out of sight of my accusers, but got found between bails of straw by the intuition of a police man. Don’t recall any punishment or trial, but a lot of beautiful blue sky deep dip flying and slower indoor flying, interrupted by those scary moments, when I suddenly couldn’t do it. Many people were in the dream, much inter-action. I believe I was in a place for the disabled somewhere.
Dream 3: my wife sat wrong way round on the open toilet-seat, when I understood she wanted love-making. I got going but watched myself and abandoned the whole dream process.
002: Day 16: Time 08:20: Supervisor’s notes: Dreams 2 beautiful girlfriends, one white, and one black. Not an orgy a touch and feel good situation light and tentative. Their white and black turned into black and white squares assembled into football. Just astonished did not kick it. Black and white on piano come together cleanly you can play. It‘s a ying yang thing. Chinese symbol westerness look at it with less understanding. Spin it round its axis to make a red rose. My fairytale has red rose as door and hero disappears through door. Write my own kindergarten. Love to play used to enjoy football until I realised how seriously others took it. Football is the rosary of the feet. Head is old but arms and legs young - football is a dummy for them.
Dreams were not recalled last night but went back to sleep and dreamt of a boy aged about 4. He was arguing with others and suddenly he turned up with a gun. I was cuddling him and saying please please don‘t do this (use the gun). All he really wanted was cuddles you could feel it. But he still wanted to use the gun.
Then another part of the dream I was partially blind and had to feel my way around the room which was like an empty box (in dream floaters).
002: Day 17: Time 09:00: Dreamt of walking on the waves which are kind to me towards England's coast as the place of my destiny.
001: day 20 Had 3 dreams
- 1. A huge white owl. I was so struck by its immense beauty as it spread its wings. On closer inspection saw it had all its babies somehow embedded round its body and they seemed to be like pink baby bats squealing. The owl seemed serene. We fed it and looked after it.
- 2. I was being shown from 1 16th c house to another. I was shown everything as if the owners had just walked out - the clothes, the bed, the chest. Felt uneasy like they were watching. Didn‘t want to stay alone there. A woman from WI showing me around.
- 3. Huge lorries moving slowly around a ring road. There were fumes from a nearby factory. I was amazed how the massive lorries were squeezing past one another. Traffic jam.
001:day 21 Dreams
I was going on a trip to Scotland I was in Scotland and had opportunity to stay the night but had no underwear somebody offered me their (a man) boxer shorts but I felt they wouldn‘t fit under my trousers and I took them out the draw held them up and didn‘t like them. I said I couldn‘t wear them so he asked his wife (for her pants).
Made a point of her name which began with E - Eleanor-E It was an old fashioned name (?edwina). I then borrowed 2 pairs of her knickers. In another part of the dream husband said he had to shoot me with gun to try it out he pointed the gun at me. Managed to persuade him not to do it. I said why not try it over there. Why do you have to shoot me I could see down the barrel and it was not a nice feeling.
002: Day 21: Time 08:00: Dreams of my enthroned paternal grandmother, who isn‘t dead after all , 15 years after her funeral (my father‘s mother). food-dreams in anticipation of my wife‘s new restaurant-project; in New York amongst weird forms of self-expression and the same as objectified ART
003: Day 21: no time: Dream. Escape hiding. Bodies in body bags. Food. Had to get people away from somewhere smuggling them out in body bags. I was worried about how we were going to keep them alive. Heads in one bag bodies in another.
005: Day 21: 07.30: Dream: Gone back to London on the train & couldn‘t find where I lived. Could remember where used to live but not now. Knew it was a long time since I‘d been home and would have got rid of my things. I couldn‘t get on trains and buses because I didn‘t know where I lived. Felt distressed. It was dark. I finished up in Winchester, which is the last place I‘d lived by myself. The room was almost derelict and very little coal for the fire. Paper peeling and dust. Really upsetting.
002: Day 22: Time 08:30 Dreams centred around my eurythmy room which was both a limited and an un-limiting space. H., a colleague, had schemed behind my back to sink an opening through the floor for a theatrical smoke-machine. M. had obliged her and done it, knowing I should have been asked first.... kids who long since left the school, brought a —I should not-note through the library into the eu-room, saying: —I was naughty in the nothinglesson, naughty for nothing was I”, but actually doing eurythmy-gestures, i.e. moving their etheric body over and above the physical body; I think: they don‘t realize anything, but they are doing it.. .other episode: N.N., a present pupil, the most will-trained one in school, the most obviously upright walking teenager, sat opposite me at a desk near the cafё-door at the other end of the eu-room, trying to make sense of this —weird” subject in friendly, if teasing conversation. H.‘s notebook lay on the table in front of him. I didn‘t open it.
Then, two opera-trained singers appeared, in Motobike-gear, rehearsing. The tall, thin one was listening, the stocky one, middle-aged, dishevelled hair, was singing beyond his voice‘s strength, critical of himself, but he could sing very well, his rhythm and lightness of tone were there.all this along a village-street the end.
I am pensive, with the school‘s torn fabric at my heart, with the newly arrived thought-image: that as hard as they may (try) they don‘t get me, like children, who simply can‘t penetrate nor imagine the soul-and mindset of the older-ones. I am the older one, feeling literally and symbolically short-changed by them all.
003: Day 22: no time: Dream 1 - nothing, rejection, water and ice spilled. Shouting. Dream 2 - Big car. Double Decker bus. Parade. Shouting.
Dream 1. I was in student accommodation - white tiled walls very clinical room. I didn‘t mind it but had to move ? cos morning courses not sure. I moved in with others. Think it was my middle daughter. Didn‘t want me there was horrible to me. I ended up shouting saying enough was enough. This is how it was got on with it etc. Felt angry and that she was being unreasonable. I was sitting on the stairway and loads of water and ice was coming down the stairs - I didn‘t take any notice. (Have dreamt of water and ice before during the proving). Dream 2. Sunny weather. Someone again think it was middle daughter, was supposed to be not letting my car, or was it the bus, hitting another car, by rolling into it and she let it go. There was no damage but I was cross about it. Told her off briefly. On board the double decker bus some famous guy was driving - a cross between Chris Evans and Chris Martin!! We were driving through a street parade hoping to se the Queen I think. We saw that new male comedian who did the football sketch on Comic relief. I was really chuffed to shake his hand. It was fun the driver was very up for it.
002: Day 23: Time 08:00 dream: a colleague, in eurythmy and trained up in Yoga, shows me some loin-movements accompanied by deep structural understanding, which makes me turn into a full moon
003: Day 23: no time: Dream Babies sodding wet nappies. Babies - I think possibly in India, not sure. I was looking after several and changing nappies that were absolutely soaking and leaving wet patches around them as I changed them. Something about diabetes in it, but no idea how or what. The babies only had on these very big square blue nappies. They were crying a bit. I was just getting on with it. I had another dream but can‘t recall it.
002: Day 24: Time 08:00 dreams: only remember that my old friend Franz, whose own wife is more or less arrested in her tracks with cancer, came from nowhere deeply into my face with a gesture of utter warmth and a signal of alert.
002: Day 24:Supervisor’s notes: Extra information: Dreams my father and sister. Not a cocktail to drink. Need to redirect the eyes so living and dying hold their balance. Appearing and disappearing hold their balance. (much talk of angels and balance of earth) thin ice under feet of artist, v thick ice under security conscious citzens.
003: Day 24: no time: Dream. People dressed in Chinese clothes. One person had a disability blind and dear, not sure. There was a bird that was a friend of this person. The person ended up in a box. Upright box. The bird was frantic and I was saying this person shouldn‘t be n that box. Then there was a block of rooms rather than flats. One furnished, some unfurnished. White empty rooms. There was a grandmother. Disabled? Chinese and her granddaughter who had come home to study and look after her grandmother. She wasn‘t very happy about the whole situation. I just listened - I was then getting changed in another empty rook. They had swapped rooms. Can‘t recall feeling much about this. Maybe concern for the young person. Came to me as I was getting dressed that in the dream I was at one point wondering around with no top or bra on I think was ok about it. Think others may have been embarrassed.
001: day 25 Dreams Daughter and a male friend admiring a waterfall standing on the edge of a ravine. Suddenly rocks fall down nearly missing them and he holds her so she doesn‘t fall off. Then more rocks fall and I am on the other side thinking the whole thing will certainly collapse in a minute daughter starts crying. As the whole thing is about to give way I see a giant of a man pick up this small area between his fingers and lift the whole thing up out of harms way in a nonchalant mood. I think even when you think things can turn around. Another aprt of the dream I am walking with a very tall black guy on my left side. We go to the bank where the cashier asks for my card. Searching through a load I do not find it and another one is immediately sent which has to be pressed out of a huge cardboard. Later the dream is about fire. Trying to put a small fire out, it seems to be out then reignites somewhere else. There is a danger everything will go up.
003: Day 25: no time: Dream India, Lost, bleeding. Dream I was in India. I think not really sure but there was a flash through of the guy in Slum dog millionaire running away from people in back streets etc. A few of us (all women) watched it and said none of us want to go anywhere near those streets. We were having drinks in another hotel we all left but when I got outside the others had gone and I was trying to find my way on those very streets. I was scared being followed. Had no money got on a train. I had wounds on my legs. Just bleeding spontaneously without actually being cut. There was a man on the train fascinated. He was collecting the blood from one of them on my thigh in the aisle of the train into a blood tube I think! Got out of the train still couldn‘t find the hotel. Couldn‘t understand why I hadn‘t used my phone! Wasn‘t too worried considering.
001:day 26 00.00 Dreams I am looking at a map of China. I have just had a baby boy. It is in nappies. I want to change him. He lays his chin on mine. I want to put somehow a newspaper instead of a nappy. Madeline is in the dream. She is lying on a bed exhausted, quiet vulnerable. She has got something to do with being in China. We are all in China later on my energy is a bit flat. I however decide to do some yoga.
003: Day 26: no time: Dream - Singing lessons with a group of lots of other people I knew all having singing lessons. It was amazing. Felt that (they) thought they couldn‘t sing. Could, very well. I enjoyed it.
001: day 27 00.00 Dream I am in the final proving group meeting where we are discussing themes and comparing our experiences. I have stomach cramps again like in the beginning . There is a feeling of having completed a circle.
002: Day 27: Time 08:00 Deeply overwhelmed by the grace of last night‘s dream.
to the roots of holiness, to the roof of the world, to the innocent and their devotion, their child-like beauty, their understanding of craft, food, ornament. Their living quarters were made from salt, houses like human bee cells, densely rectangularized, barely enterable for outside gaze and stuck to the rock-face. I found my feet like giant‘ s feet walk over these structures as if they were a carpet, trod on them and felt them give way under the grossness of my being which I quickly removed. In the temples the food was divine, all was shared but plenty of human scavenging as well, plenty of hard-nosed profiteering and food-grabbing. Never ever had a dream like this one.
Reminded of those days and nights of limitless bliss, when I travelled (1981-82) on my bicycle to Istanbul with two friends, when doing my dream(i.e. my etheric intensions)meant meeting the being of holiness as everywhere expressed by Nature on our was.. .only I wasn’t at all holy then and marvelled at the meaning of the word “Holy”.. .all the way to Ephesus, the Artemisium, to John, Mary and Heraklitus.
What deep stunned resonance all this leaves me with as I wake this morning.
001:day 28 00.00 Horrible dreams of a man wanting to kill me. Scared to get up to loo.
Dream last night of being in a van with other women. They said it would be okay, as I was there. I was given a breast pump and was easily able to produce milk from right breast - it felt good but I was bit surprised how easy it was.
Woke after a dream.
I was driving my mother and younger daughter - they were sat in the back of the car. No-one in front passenger seat. Pulled into a layby and a brown car that had police written on it, pulled up in front of me.. Two young men got out of the ‘police’ car. It felt strange and I saw that they were wearing gaudy theatrical costumes - almost like harlequins - and white makeup. Sudddenly I felt very vulnerable, as they approached. I tried to lock the doors, but
fumbled, could not and one man was at each front door. I told my daughter to hide my bag under the seat, thinking this would protect her somehow......end of dream !
I was in the panic state when I woke up. Heart was pounding.
Chest sweaty.
Slept with a flow of dreams that I recalled on waking up.
- 1. In my mind I was saying to someone ‘ it‘s a matter of personal freedoms and the constraining situations, rather than state control‘
- 2. I was in a resident‘s room at the care home when the lady who cleans was talking to the resident who was not elderly and demented but a baby of about 8mths sitting in a high chair.
- 3. I was sitting on a ledge, high up at one end of a large swimming pool.. The other side to the swimming pool was a huge tank, a bit like at Sea World or The Deep - large fish were swimming around on a level with me. Strangely though there were large lizard-like creatures also walking around in the tank. There were, I could then see, large glass air bubbles for the lizards in the water.
- 4. I was visiting a friend from a long time ago who I have known for about 35 yrs. and he has declined into lack of care of himself over the past 5 or 8 years since his wife left him and they divorced ( I was good friend of his wife- she died of cancer nearly 2 years ago. ).
- 5. This man‘s house has become very dirty, lacking in all care but in my dream he had bought a new 3 piece suite of dark wood and sage green velour. The seats were like driving seats and the settee had 4 seats in it.
It was strange to wake from such a flow of vivid dreams that I jotted them all down quickly in a note book.
FEVER
005: Day 21: 21.00: Been feeling awful all day. Low grade fever, no energy.
SKIN
009: Day2:10.00: Little red raised spots appeared on ‘L‘ arm. They came and went, lasting a few moments, between wrist and elbow. They itch and stop itching when they arrive [NS]
010: Day 2: 20.00: A wart that I have had for years totally disintegrated as I scratched my leg. Under ‘R‘ knee on calf, it is actually still there but much smaller now.
003: Day 3: 20.00: Itchy skin around the ribs on the ‘L‘ side of the side. [NS]
GENERALS
006 Ate some ham, first time since Christmas I think. ( although a ‘desire for’ is implied given the length of time last eaten, this probably isn‘t a reliable Sx ) Fancying sweet, stodgy food.
Attracted more to warm drinks than cold.
Attracted to ginger cake !
Attracted to stodgy bread and cakes all day
Bread and buns despite having made home-made soup !
Cold drinks.
3 crumpets toasted for lunch, despite having soup made in fridge- did not feel good about that.
Feeling stodged up ! Must stop this stodgy eating.
Could not resist chocolate birthday cake - 2 pieces.
another crumpet or 2
scone and coffee and a full lunch - feel I must control the eating.
Lots of water drunk again.
008 Yesterday and again today felt rather more tired than usual around 4.00 pm. Had a half hour kip, just dozing, which was nice.
craved chocolate but had none in the house so had a snooze instead which helped.
Just wanted to drift off - not to get up!
Feel tired again,
Enjoyed that, and the closeness
Feel isolated, need to talk to friends. Re food I‘m just grazing at the moment - only want carbs (toast etc), milk, fruit and sweets. Gone off meat and red wine which I normally like. Drinking more coffee - like I‘m trying to wake myself up!
Had a nap this afternoon instead of getting on with jobs. V Nice!
Slept like a log last night - really good sleep, felt refreshed this morning.
006 Felt tired almost immediately but still focused. ( after taking second dose of remedy at
14.00 )
Twice during the morning I felt wobbly whilst standing up
Felt spacey all day, probably from Shiatsu yesterday still ( not sure if this more a mind sx ? )
Thirsty again for cold drinks more than usual
Thirsty for cold water
Lots of energy today. Generally felt good
Felt bright
Felt positive in general.
Felt a bit tired
Generally felt good.
Think I feel better mornings.
Busy with jobs. Fitted lots of things in-garage, homeopathy centre clear-up. Prepared and posted mail - more things done. Felt good. V. alive and capable and positive.
Felt so good in myself.
Up and busy. Felt much brighter. Did lots of jobs until lunchtime.
001 Day 0 15.00: Felt cold
001: Day O: 20.00: Feel tired. R/S
001: Day O: 20.00: Twinges in the muscles come and go in the fleshy parts. R/S
002: Day O: 18.00: Feel a bit tired
002. Day 0.18.00: Cold from inside out.
004: Day 0 19.50: + + cold - shivery on my skin, want hot water bottle to snuggle up to.
004: Day 0: 19.50; still cold and shivery, just want to sit in front of the fire, huddle up and stay warm.
005: Day 0: 18.10: Felt cold all day [but it‘s a very cold day] Took hot water bottle in car to pick up daughter. Couldn‘t face going out in cold otherwise.
005: Day 0: 16.45: Feel lethargic and very stiff joints. Chilly but cold day
005: Day 0: 17.25: Just want to curl up in a ball, under a duvet, feel V cold.
005: Day 0: 21.00: Very tired, going to bed, feel almost drugged.
006:Day O: 14.00: Second dose: Felt tired almost immediately but still focused.
008: Day 0: 13.15: Second dose. Felt chilled this afternoon, so much so I have written it down.
001: Day 1: 14.00: Bloated like before period. Cold. ‘RS‘
001: Day 1: 18.00: Very cold.
001: Day 1: 23.15: Very pleased to be in bed.
005: Day 1: 08.10: Feel very beat up.
005.Day 1: 08.30: Can‘t rush this morning, overheating easily. Remembered I had a hot flush last night, haven‘t had one for over a year. ‘RS’
005: Day 1: 12.15pm: Feel unwell
005: Day 1: 13.30: Feel like I‘ve been poisoned, everything hurts and feels clenched
005: Day 1: 13.40: Feel like taking myself off to bed to sleep
005: Day 1: 13.40: Less cold
005: Day 1:19.40: Exhaustion has been the worse of the symptoms today.
005: Day 1: 22.00: Feel like everything has calmed down a bit.
005: Day 1: 22.00:Lower back still aching. Body still feels bruised
009: Day 1: 11.00: Noticing this side to side thing happening AS / NS
010: Day 1: 06.30: Sense of heat, despite cool breeze from window [almost like a hot flush]
010: Day 1: 17.00: Felt really good all day, good energy levels, relaxed, positive
003: Day 2: [ no time modalities given] Very tired today, yesterday was very good was working on things until 10pm last night. Yawning all morning.
003: Day 2: 15.00: Wanted to pull over and sleep. [? Driving back from meeting]
004: Day 2: 20.30: Have felt very tired since mid afternoon so am going to bed earlier than normal.
005: Day 2: 06.50: Had to get up twice in the night to pee. Was very thirsty, had to get a glass of water during the night.
005: Day 2: 06.50: Feeling so tired.
005: Day 2:11.50: Still got whole body bruised sensation.
005: Day 2: 13.10: Feel better for having eaten, stiffness is easier.
005: Day 2: 23.00: Also bruised pain bothering me since Saturday was a lot worse earlier today at the meeting.
007:Day2:10.15: Felt a bit weary
008: Day 2: 17.00: Yesterday and again today felt rather more tired than usual at around 4pm. Had a У2 hour kip [3/4 asleep!] which was nice.
001: Day 3: 18.00: Ate out in a grey restaurant, I was very hungry today [RS]
002: Day 3: 17.00: Feel a cold coming. Take Vit C and Echinacea.
002: Day 3: 20.00: Go to a birthday party, energies flagging but mingle for 2 hours anyway.
003: Day 3: 20.00: Bit of a sore throat, like a cold coming on, at the back of the throat.
005: Day 3:10.00: Been lying in bed for a while, back and abdomen hurting a lot.
005: Day 3:10.00: Pains Ok now I am up.
005: Day 3:10.00: Had to get up once in the night to pee and had a very dry mouth. Had had a large glass of water before bed as had been thirsty the night before, but still needed another У2 a glass in the night after peeing.
006: Day 3: ? Time: Lots of energy today. Generally felt good
008: Day 3: 10.20: Joe is coughing and am aware I‘m doing a similar pattern to him, just a wee bit more sniffy and congested, dry tickly cough now.
005: Day 4: 07.00: Remembered I had a hot flush during the night, no perspiring just hot and dry all over, opened PJ top and threw covers off & got back to sleep. Have had one hot flush a night for the last 3 nights, haven‘t had those for well over a year. Did have one period last year but the hot flushes didn‘t return after that.
005: Day 4: 11.30: Wind has dropped a bit so feeling more like braving dog walk. Not feeling particularly energetic and really didn‘t want to go out in the cold. Feeling a bit chilly.
005: Day 4: 11.30: Got bitten by dog on thumb yesterday, by accident. Very painful, blood blister on pad of thumb, hard to write and more swollen now I have written. Didn‘t think it was significant yesterday, but been thinking about first dream..‘bitten by a snake ‘. My dog is very gentle and never bites anyone. It was an accident yesterday, she was grabbing a stick but my thumb is very sore and its RIGHT sided!
006: Day 4: no time modalities: Have worn scarf through since morning.
008: Day 4: 17.30: Feel tired again, progressively lower in mood as day goes on
009: Day 4: no time modalities Wondering about ‘pain’ getting used to being able to move freely, not stiff, but the stiffness has left the ache.
009: Day 4: no time modalities: ‘R‘ side trace pain going ‘L‘ side, gone ‘L‘ hand side pain gone [AS]
006: Day 5:15.00: Headache and tired.
007: Day 5: 13.05: Energy levels good today, feel I‘ve achieved quite a lot.
004: Day 6: 14.00: I‘ m still feeling cold. The heating is on in the house, but I don‘t seem to be able to warm up on the inside.
004: Day 6: 19.30: Feeling sick, 2 of the kids are too. ? Could be the bug which seems to be striking every other every other child in school.
004: Day 8: 07.00: Felt better when I woke up - but vvv achy - usual Fibromyalgia stuff
005: Day 8: 21.00: Drank a bit more than usual today, more thirsty, but not weeing more, must be re-hydrating. Head feels clear at last.
003: Day 9: no time: I have put on 2lbs in the last 10 days I think. I lost 2lbs slimming at xmas so put that on. I‘m better without it. NS
001: day 10 Very cold I feel today
001: day 10 Completely different reaction to full moon than usual usually cant sleep and headaches, neither happened this time.
005: Day 11: 14.00: Felt completely exhausted & went for a lie down. Went deeply asleep and didn‘t wake until 4.00pm & wouldn‘t have got up if hadn‘t had to cook dinner. Mentally fine.
003: Day 13: no time: Woke in the night with a big hot flush, bigger than usual and a sudden very painful sharp shooting pain in my right forehead. Only lasted seconds.
Couldn‘t settle for ages after that.
003: Day 18: no time: Hot flushes - I think these are more intense on the remedy. Got a bigger sense of an adrenaline rush.
005: Day 18: 22.00: Left shoulder limiting again - like before proving.
Feel awful. Fluish. No energy (No joint pain or muscle ache).
Food/wine no taste other than when blow nose then can get flavours of food - like stop n grow [NS]
002: Day 19: Time 08:00: Tired don’t recall dreams. Don’t want to teach anyone cancel parent - everything (ask them to work without me) and Kindergarten. But take on Classes 7 and 8, as under the exhaustion I am strong.
005: Day 20: Still feeling really awful, hot/cold, no energy. Throat sore, slight cough -bronchial
005: Day 20: 18.00: Very tired, limbs weak. Want to go to bed, but too much to do. Feels like flu cough if I breathe too deep. Dry cough. Muscles feel weak & sore. Tummy (abdomen) feels weak/unsettled/churning.Been for a poo once, looser than usual. Vaguely nauseous feeling, bit off food Eyes sore & back of head hurts (pressing)
005: Day 20: 21.00: Feeling really poorly & depressed like used to be 5/6 yrs ago.ME Sickly/nauseous feeling in abdomen. Food tastes bitter. Lack of appetite Sweating all over damp, esp base of hairline Shifting pains in muscles, buttocks, between shoulder blades & inside of top of calves. Feeling very weak. Feels like getting worse not better, Niggling little cough Sporadic thick mucous at back of throat, clear & sometimes green (first thing in am)
005: Day 21: 08.00: I still feel awful. Chest is worse. Bringing small amounts of mucous up, but it is tight and tickly irritations back of bronchi. Outside of larynx feels itchy [OS] want to scratch but not better for it Really tired. Stomach/abdomen still upset. Aching lower back.
005: Day 21: 21.00: Been feeling awful all day. Low grade fever, no energy. Dull head pain, pressure all over, like full with a ball [NS]. Wandering aches around body. Tenacious mucous from back of nose all down fauces. Feel as if would cough if breathe too deeply. Feels like virus infection No energy. Food still tastes a little bitter
003: Day 22: no time: ? Cold coming on. Runny nose. Bit of sneezing. Bit of sore throat. -didn’t develop.
003: Day 22: 09:36: today at the gym head pain then too briefly forehead, also a bit breathless and tired when I wouldn’t expect to be. All improved by the end of the class.
001 Day 0: 15.00. Wanted a glass of Milk O/S
005: Day 0: 18.10: Quite thirsty x
006: Day 2: Evening: [no time modalities] Ate some ham, first time since Christmas I think.
003: Day 3: no time modalities: Not especially thirsty today.
005: Day 3:16.20: Had some crackers before I went for a dog walk, felt better.
003: Day 4: 14.00: Appetite, not especially hungry, eating out of habit. NS
006: Day 4: no time modalities: Thirsty again for cold drinks more than usual
008: Day 4: 17.30: Re; food I‘m just grazing at the moment, only want carbs [toast etc] milk, fruit and sweets. Gone off meat and red wine which I normally like. Drinking more coffee, like I am trying to wake myself up!
010: Day 4: no time: Craving fish [have eaten fish every day wed to sun
002: Day 5: 20.00: Loved to shop for fish more than usual and enjoyed a salmon fillet.
003: Day 5: No time modalities: Not thirsty though wanted orange juice first thing, then hot water as usual.
006: Day 5:15.00: Thirsty for cold water x
006: Day 6: 14.00: Fancying sweet, stodgy food. Made syrup pudding and custard for daughter.
002S: Day 8: 3 glasses of wine. My body hates it = pins and needles under my feet.
001:Day 10 like warm water (NS)
001 : Day 17 NS desire for fish of different kinds
003: Day 22: 17:00: Here we are 5pm and frontal headache again. That‘s three at this time of day that I can recall. Maybe others I didn’t note - forehead sharp want to rub it. I had something to eat, bread and marmite, headache went.
Symptoms in Synthesis order Nov 2010